PART TWO CANDLES OF THE MOUNTAIN


ADVENTURES IN LIVINGESS-20140713_205128MALIBU

The next morning Chantal was not in her transparently privatized bedroom with a gauzy drape.ย  From the kitchen Iโ€™d poured a cup of black as beans espresso from Chantalโ€™s Turkish coffee maker and dozily slumped into a swinging love seat on the lanai. Still in my pajamas,ย  listless as a floating cotton willow; the grounding Iโ€™d felt the day before had evaporated. Looking and listening to birds, rooster, and distant horses, all within a misty silhouette that filled in the hips of the mountains. Beyond the sea, the imagery of my reclusive life in Santa Fe manifested. The skin I wore in Santa Fe; unreasoningly introverted with a coating of protection flaked off and a news skin surfaced.
Just as the image is crystallizing, I sense Chantal crossing the garden towards me.
โ€œ LouLouโ€”are you okay?โ€
โ€œ Iโ€™m not living right at all, โ€ I uttered without a smile.
She sat down beside me, placed her cell phone behind her, rested her elbows on her knees and leaned toward me to look in my eyes.
โ€œ Oh why? You are not happy in Santa Fe?โ€
โ€œ Not anymore-I see things differently now.โ€
โ€œ Yes, this is what happens when we take vacation. If youโ€™re life is not full then you must change it. Itโ€™s not always the place that matters, but how you live. You know some people like to suffer, this is not you. I know– believe me. I meet people from all over the world.ย  I traveled with Carl everywhere.โ€
โ€œWellย  Iโ€™m full now– but Iโ€™ve been in a cage.โ€
โ€œ This is not good! I will tell you that since Carl died I too wanted to live in my bedroom and not even get out of our bed. So I worked day and night to keep his legacy going, and to manage the vacation rentals. I made myself so busy just to get through the pain. I was a mess; many times I didnโ€™t think Iโ€™d get through it. But you see–I am okay now. I still think of him everyday and some days are rough; but this is life. We donโ€™t know what will happen. You have to live now. When you die no one remembers you; they go on living. “She opened her mouth and her smile asked me to smile with her.
โ€œ We will have a lot of fun you and I. You know I feel like weโ€™ve known each other. You feel that too?โ€
โ€œ Yes! I think my choice to come here was to meet you.โ€
โ€œ Oooh lala-then we begin to enjoy. You hungry? I make some breakfast and then we go to Trader Joes. I make a party tonight. Howโ€™s that?โ€
โ€œ Iโ€™d like that.โ€
โ€œ You want some eggs–how do you like them?โ€
โ€œ Iโ€™m so full of joy I have no appetite.โ€
She threw her head back, and laughed.
โ€œ What time is it Chantal?โ€
โ€œ Itโ€™s eleven oโ€™clock. You sleep very late.โ€
โ€œ No.ย  I never sleep this late.โ€

I followed Chantal into the kitchen where she was leaning against the stove frying eggs; she was on her cell phone.ย  โ€˜Cheri, you come tonight for dinner and meet my new friend LouLou.โ€™ย  Then another call and another. To observe Chantal is to see the openness of a human being without hesitation, restraint or obsession. I followed her around for the rest of the day just like Kou-Koui; her little Habanese dog. Chantal’sย  enthusiasm for the approaching party was seamless. As we shopped at Trader Joes, she chatted with customers, the grocery clerk, and the cell phone that rings continuously.

โ€œ LouLou, is that you?โ€
I was passing her bedroom as she called me in and patted the bed for me to sit.
โ€œHave you had a shower? I will take one after you. I marinated the chicken and meat, so all we have now is the salad.โ€

In the kitchen she is dressed in a skirt, neck-less blouse, and a magenta flower behind one ear. Asย  she demonstrates how to cut the cucumbers, tomatoes, and avocado,ย  she darts from one skilletย  to another. The music is ruminating through the house; a French wave of seduction and rhythm that entices us to dance aroundย  the kitchen island.ย  I feel like a young girl learning to be a woman. She is only a few years older than me; yetย  her human connection of livingnessย  is unbridged and unchained.

I intended to write a travel story about Malibu;ย  as you see the travel story is Chantal.

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Thank you for your response. โœจ

CANDLES OF THE MOUTAIN PART TWO


ADVENTURES IN LIVINGNENESS

โ€œThere is more enterprise in walking naked (in the Yeatsian sense) and being tough enough to survive such intensity of caring and such openness, between a driving need to share experience and the need for time to experience and that means solitude, a balance between the need to become oneself and to give of oneselfโ€ฆand of course they are closely related.โ€ May Sarton.

The Journal of Solitude.

This book was one of the first of ten that injected my veins with the thirst to write. It was
1992, and while I scanned a bookshelf in Capistrano Beach, this book seemed to say, read me. Several months ago I ordered it online and began reading it after I wrote my segments on the Puzzle of Solitude. How curious that this is book I brought to read in Malibu; as I may teetering between this excerpt every moment of the day.

I landed on Pacific Coast Highway on the fourth of July and zipped up the curves of the road squinting to read the signs. This highway that was once my weekend adventure in a packed mustang filled with high school friends was now mine alone. Inhaling the salty sea breeze, and listening to Tom Petty sing, Free Fall, my heart opened to what I was about to experience. The doubt had vanished and as I crossed the lanes to turn up Encinal Canyon road, I broke out laughing.
Only a few days ago I was sobbing as my doubt and confidence were inflamed with childless fear. Just past Malibu colony the scenery seemed to sigh with relief from blaring radios in convertible Mercedes, motorcycles, and a river of beachcombers flip-flopping down to the shoreline. The terrain rises into a rugged enclave of sand crusted
boulders, as I passed the perfectly seamed and shaved lawn of Pepperdine College.

Chantalโ€™s directions were exact as I pulled into the dirt and rock driveway and parked in front of the house. She has an alert buzzer on the gate so she was already on the flagstone steps when I got out of the car. Even before she welcomed me in words, a radiant warm aura illumined my response.
โ€œYou are LouLou, I am Chantal. Come, I will show you around.โ€ Her effortless smile and fluid swaying hips led me through a garden of birds of paradise, palm trees, elm, succulents, pepper trees, cactus, and so many varieties of flowers that my first impression was already sealed,ย  I was in Shangri-La.20140712_18273120140707_175334

โ€œThis is the main house, where you come and go as you please,” and then sheย  continued through the open rooms sheltered in wood and glass into the living museum of the legacy ofย  her deceased husband, Carl Gillberg: chest- high clay pots, bronze and cherry wood sculptures, masks, paintings, and photographs.

 

Carl Gillberg

 

In the kitchen she announced, โ€œHere, you see this shelf is for you, and here is your vegetable bin to put things, and you take what you want. Just because I bought it doesnโ€™t mean you canโ€™t take it. You see, we are very open and relaxed here.ย  You just be at home; like it is your home.โ€
I followed her through a gate; to an open garden. Here is where we shower, you like it?โ€ She looked into my eyes and her mouth widened with anticipatory pleasure. I glanced at the claw foot tub, expansive banana plant, and shower head.
โ€œDoes anyone else share the shower?
No no, just you and me. You close the curtain see?โ€ and demonstrated the act.
โ€œYou will love it,โ€ and as she parted the corrugated sliding door to my room and I looked inside, the chime of change rang.
โ€œWhat is your nationality?โ€ she asked placing her hands on her hips.
โ€œRussian Irish.โ€
โ€œOooh la la; very strong.โ€
โ€œAnd you?โ€
โ€œI am French Haitian.ย  I left Haiti when I was very young and went to France.ย  I will tell you more. Now, where is your luggage?โ€
โ€œIโ€™ll get it.โ€
โ€œYou need some help eh?โ€
โ€œNo, I loaded it in so I can load it outโ€
She chuckled.
Her cell phone rang. โ€œ Oui, Cheriโ€”it has been a long time since we talked. What has happened in your life?โ€ Her fluid intoxicating French conversation sent me skipping off the flagstone steps to my car.

I was hopelessly impressed. The majestic mountains, slopping hillsides, and crusted canyons open to the faded-jean blue sea. The spring of joy rose like an orgasm as my eyes blinked with every turn of the head to capture another slice of the Santa Monica Mountains.ย  20140704_162840

When I returned, she was preparing espresso?
โ€œYou like a cup of coffee?โ€
โ€œI love it.โ€
โ€œGood. We sit on the veranda and you tell me your story. You like my house LouLou?โ€
โ€œ Chantal, this is Shangrai-la.โ€
She threw here head back and her birch brown curls took flight.20140707_194504

Over the next week my life was an interpretation of the beginning except from May Sarton. To be continued.

 

 

SMILEYS DICE ON THROWING ALL THE DICE


 

Adventures in Livingness

Upper Lanai
Upper Lanai

MALIBU- ISLAND
I was flipping channels one night in Santa Fe, New Mexico where I live. I stopped when the opening scene of Donโ€™t Make Waves with Tony Curtis and Sharon Tate. Her name in the credits;ย  Introducing Sharon Tate. So I lay back against the warm sweat soaked pillows, turned on the A/C and watched. The first scene was on Pacific Coast Hwy in Malibu. Tony is in a car crash with Sharon Tate. The appearance of Sharon was that of Bo Derek in the film 10. A vine like body swimming in golden flesh with long honey sand hair draped over her shoulders. The flashback to the Mason Murder was soon replaced with this heart shape faced delivering sinewy gestures that matched her feathery voice. The film came outย  in 1963 and the coastline was as pure and unmarked as Sharon; a winding highway empty of cars, cafes and promenades. This is the Malibu I remembered from my adolescent adventures to the beach to watch the surfers.

The scenery unfolded into breathtaking views of the coves and hillsides surrounding Malibu, like organic sculpturesย  drenched in sea-foam as waves broke. Within a few minutes I bolted up in bed and paused the film.

Thatโ€™s where Iโ€™m going! My journey was given a name. I had a month marked out for a vacation away from Santa Fe while my house was rented to a family of eight. It was a month before the guests would arrive and I still had not penned in my destination.

I went to sleep half way through the movie mumbling to myself; Malibu, Malibu Malibu.
Please God, let me land in Malibu.

The next morning I fished for vacation rentals on the INTERNET and got hooked into
homes, cottages and condos for not less than $1000.00 a night. One estate rented for
thirty thousand a night.

I switched to Craigs list and scrolled down the postings, armored with Russian determination. A posting in bold black came up – MALIBU ISLAND. I clicked through the photographs and prayed. This is how I found myย  roomย  in Malibu;a private room with an outdoor showerย  in an estate home perched on the hills above El Matador Beach. In this house the owner, Chantal, also lived. ย  I booked the month without more than a day of what ifโ€™s and what nots could be expected.

To be continued.

 

MAYHEM IN THE MIDDLE EAST


I cannot Mideast_Iraq_Lines_in_Sand_Analysis-0f695overlook the rise of a new terrorist organization, one most of us have not heard about.  The news broke on the day I hosted a party.  The preparation  was surreal; as I switched  from party chores to watch  the television coverage. Breathless journalists, some who  only that day learned of  ISIS,  masked their emotions. The truth was too barbaric even for a seasoned war correspondent.  A week has passed; and the ISIS is not mentioned in conversations that I over- hear. When  I mention the threat I see my listener flick it off, like a flee.  I sense their aversion to terrorism in the Middle East; while I am drawn to it.

This image posted on a Twitter account on June 12 shows militants from the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria removing part of the soil barrier on the Iraq-Syria border and moving through it.  (AP Photo/albaraka_news)

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THE MESSAGE COMES TO HOLLYWOOD -ELLIOTT RODGER


ElliottBUGSY

Rodger is on my mind. Like yours;ย  if you are able toย  make time to think about it.

Events that curdle cocktails at a flaming hot party.ย  My sorrow, after the relatives of those who were murdered, bubbles in the notion that we still won’t talk, move, or protest, for the ballooning results of mental illness. It’s just beyond what I can handle without rage or tears.

HOW MANY MORE YOUNG MEN HAVE TO SHOOT BEFORE WE FEEL THE BLOOD?

Someone is out there that could push the button, or keyboard, or text, or Instagram, or whatever the newest drug for attention is, and say, LET’S TALK ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS.

The most uncomfortable conversation for any family.

WRITERS ROOM FOR WORDPRESS BLOGGERS


20140529_124907DSC02916I cannot believe it took me this long to figure out thatย  I HAVE A WRITERS ROOM TO RENT and I didn’t post it on lililespen. I am still adapting, reluctantly to understanding IT language, programs, choices, and SOCIAL MARKETING.ย  Since all of you are writers; let me tell you about GALLERY LOULOU ROCK n ROLL VACATION MANOR.

 

I rent a Historic (1907) culturally significantย  Commercial Residence that is brick and stone, hard wood floors, chandeliers, and

sixteen windows!ย  Two of the rooms have writing desks, my former desks.ย  There is an extensive library of fiction and non-fiction, vinyl records, and CD’s.ย  In the Garden Movie theaterย  you project films on a wall and have a 6 track CD player so you can mix it up. Silent films I don’t leave outย  have but I’ve tried them with my music and it’s kool aid~!

My vacation rental is next door to my Casita;sealed off thick and I have my garden and entrance.

The house and porches, driveway, theater etc are exclusively for you theย  tenant.ย  The house is TWOย  BLOCKS FROM THE PLAZA DOWNTOWN, AND Palace Avenue is peppered with bistros, galleries, jewelry shops, gift shops, and antiques.

La Posada Resort and Spa, a Luxury Collection of Starwood Hotels, is across the street.ย  My guests are welcome to use the Spa at no cost, pending the managers rules that particular day, so you can indulge in spa, pool, and gym.ย  La Po is my other home; because I can walk across the street and make the staff laugh,ย  have a drink at the Staab House with Raul and Stephanie;ย  the best bartenders in town. There’s an outdoor patio and two indoor restaurants serving New Mexican cuisine and luscious cocktails.

As you are all writers; I’ve decided to make an exception and rent out one of the writing rooms. Some of my readers are from India,

Australia, Venezuela, Russia, Mexico and the USA. It would be a thrill to meet anyone of you!ย  As you see, I go by a saying from the film???

” If you want to know if you can trust someone, trust them.”ย  I will remember it; I’m sure it was aย  gangster flick.

My websites rates are based on the four bedroom house.ย ย  The rate for the writers room would be $100.00 night. You would have use of the downstairs kitchen if the house was not occupied.

http://www.vrbo.com/345671, ย ย  http://www.galleryloulouvacationsantafenm.com/wordpress,ย  http://www.historicstay.comย 

LOOK FORWARD TO EXPLORING THIS IDEA MORE!

IMG_049120140422_120618DSC02898

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Thank you for your response. โœจ

SOCIAL MEDIA SPARKS MY EMOTIONS


real socializing
real socializing

Our society has led us to the path of non-involvement. FB did that,
Email did that, cell phones did that. Yea, I love em’ย  for the
thing they knew weโ€™d love them for; a delete button.

We, I mean most of us that don’t control millions of political decisions, cannot handle much more. But we could save ourselves from a real famine, a civil war , orย  war on our country. ย  Whoย  would come to our aid? I really wonder.ย  I bet on us; the ones who’ve always struggled.
We are not involved with each other anymore; itโ€™s like having a manicure to break out of a relationship, and if you lose your job you wonโ€™t have enough money for a manicure. So you donโ€™t lose your job; you workย  eighteen hours a day and get paid less than your staff. ย  But nobody cares; not unless you go viral or if you have a millionย ย  Blog stats. Social media. Then you will go somewhere; you will have a job. Artists, areย  digital: writers, photographers;ย  musicians. Who knows whose who anymore.ย  I think Theater is the only venue left of our physical ย  involvement.ย  Theater is life; and no one walks out without having something to say.ย  I also include: dance, concerts, opera, poetry readings, performance artist, and comedians.ย  I prefer to see it live!

THE LEGEND LADY OF PALACE AVE


0124130930

The throw of the dice this week lands on adventures in livingness; one day at a time. People with terminal illness, suffering from a shattered romance, a death of a friend, a natural disaster, always say the same thing; One day at a time.

Walking up Palace Avenue on a day spread with sunlight, and a continuum of power walkers, bikers and runners, passing by in whiffs of urgency, I took my time. I didnโ€™t feel like flexing, just evaporating into the shadows, and the moving clouds. I walked by a little adobe, that once was a dump site for empty bottles, cartons, worn out furniture, and piles of wood. A year later, the yard is almost condominium clean. Just as I was passing the driveway, the little woman whom Iโ€™d seen walking up Palace with her bag of groceries, appeared like a gust of history in the driveway of her adobe casita. She wore her heavy blanket like coat and a bandanna on her head. Regardless of weather, sheโ€™s bundled up in the same woven Indian coat and long wool skirt. I stood next to her, a foot or so taller, and she unraveled history, without my prompting. She told me about the Martinez family, the Montoyas, and the Abeytas, all families she knew, all with streets named after them. Estelle asked me my name, and then took my hand in her weathered unyielding grip, โ€˜Oh I had an Aunt named Lucero, and we called her LouLou.โ€™ She didnโ€™t let go of my hand, and then she told me that the families, some names Iโ€™ve forgotten, bought homes on Palace in 1988 for $50,000, She shook her finger to demonstrate her point. โ€˜You know how many houses the Garcias bought? Five! Then they fixed them up and sold them.โ€™

I could have stood there in the gravel driveway listening to Estelle all afternoon. She owns the oral history I love to record; but it is difficult to understand her, she talks with the speed of a southwest wind. We parted and I thought about the times in my life when the smallest of interactions elevates my spirit. In older people, who are not addicted to gadgets and distant intimacy, I’m reminded of how speed socializing has diminished the opportunity for a sidewalk chat.

ย 

COMFORT & GANGSTERS


Comfort….
From writing by hand at my tiny Eurasian desk facing the window to the west; framed by time and familiarity into the branches of JDโ€™s pine tree, the black silky toned crows basking like prowesses on the branches, and waiting for La Posada to empty the dayโ€™s leftovers in the garbage cans. The silky drape of the winter sky sometimes adorned with lacy clouds, like today, softening the southwest blue to a faded jeans shade. From my desk, I write, without thoughts predefined, just a drain of emotional threads from my heart…

This year isnโ€™t like last year, the absentee man, fussing with the fireplace, making me afternoon espresso, or drying dishes. It is not at all like last year, with Rudy and John intercepting my division of attention, laughing at the kitchen table, eating my blueberry pancakes.

I had the song of Judy Garlandโ€™s rainbow in my heart. It was a time I will never forget, or regret, because I was a very lucky lady for several years. Unabridged ecstasy poured out of body, and spread over my attitude, abundant spirit, mood, facial expressions, and my dreams were filled with amusement instead of nightmares.

Thatโ€™s why now, is so different. The camp has closed, and I wander into these new woods unsteady, and steadier, juxtaposed between, acceptance and anger.

In the last few months, Iโ€™ve written my heart out, read Shepard, Colette, Durrell and my Creative nonfiction magazines. Iโ€™ve studied, and prepared for radio programs, and collected a bundle of columns to adapt into short stories. I started buying chocolates and jelly beans, so I treat myself, on breaks, when itโ€™s too cold for my frail body to walk around town or up Palace Avenue to see the new for sale listings.

My steps inward resulted in accomplishments, break-troughsโ€™ and a comedic sideshow trying to open boxes, make repairs, until Rudy shows up again, and rake the leaves, stuff that is mundane. More distant relations, and mafia threaded strangers knocked on my door, bolstering my faith in breaking the silence that ruled me, I let rule me.ย  Stepping inside the truth I must face isnโ€™t nearly as harmful as pretending.

Mob on television, in the news, (gross sales global figure of $850 billion) websites, and bloggers, movies and books. Theyโ€™re all coming out of the closet to inform, turn themselves in, give advice, consult on their own films, sign on for pubic speaking at Libraryโ€™s, documentaries, and advertisements-the world is all mobbed up and itโ€™s time for some horrific homogenization of the gangsters who wouldn’t break the silence.

JOHNNY ROSELLI, THE BENEVLOVENT BOSS


My dad was Johnny’s pal, close, like brothers, all through their life. Uncle Johnny

was my hero, he calmed my dad down, and he loved my mother because he knew she was a saint, and he was immensely religious.ย  This is how I imagined his murder.

A blue Ford sedan with tinted windows pulled up in front of a bar in Biscayne Bay.ย  The driver Tony, stared out the windshield looking beyond the boundaries made by man.ย  Two of his men, sat in silence in the back seat. ย They were staring ahead, in the same mental latitude as the driver, with unblinking surgeon eyes. ย Tony turned off the ignition, and leaned back. The only sound came from the flapping of the bar screen door.

โ€œMove,โ€ Tony ordered closing his eyes. Abe and Chuck exited the sedan in one long continuous motion as if they were tied together. Tony waited, without changing the position of his right hand on the leather coated steering wheel. He heard the bar door squeak as it opened. He could see Abe and Chuck entering the bar. He did not need to see them physically. This was stored in his memory. The single file procession into the bar, the attachment to the target, and the guarded exit. Tony checked the time on his pocket watch. The minutes went slowly. He lost his concentration, and was tumbling in memories; he filed them in two categories, the ones that belonged to the outfit, and the ones that belonged to him. He slipped back to the sixties, in Las Vegas, when the boys sat poolside at the Desert Inn and bit into olives handed to them by freshly polished show girls in bikinis.ย ย  Then he saw Johnny, lounging at the pool, his crown of white hair perfectly combed. He was surrounded by showgirls. The dames loved Johnny. He was better than any Hollywood movie star.

Then the door to the passenger side opened. Tony glanced at the blue gabardine slacks, and Gucci loafers. ย He could smell Johnny, even before he got in the car. His scent was recognizable, as if heโ€™d been born wearing Boucheron.

โ€œFor crying out loud boys–I was just getting

an erection. โ€

Johnny turned to Tony, the man he met twenty years ago when he was a driver for Santos Trafficante, the Mafia Don in Florida.ย  Johnny slapped his knee and wheezed through his laughter. Tony couldnโ€™t return the glance, or the laughter

โ€œTony! Whatโ€™s the long face for, are we going to a funeral?โ€ Tony shook his head from left to right. He gripped the steering wheel, afraid he might put his fist right through the windshield. Johnny nudged his rib.

โ€œLoosen up, youโ€™ll miss the target.โ€ย  Tony reached into his breast pocket.

โ€œHave a cigar Johnny, fresh from Castro. The same brand you tried to poison him with remember?โ€ Tonyโ€™s forcedย  laughter sounded hollow.

โ€œHell, that wasnโ€™t my idear; you guys are still screwing up the story. ย Thatโ€™s your problem, it youโ€™re gonna squeal at least tell it the way it happened.โ€

โ€œYou shouldnโ€™t talk bout squealing Johnny,โ€ Chuck interrupted.

โ€œShut your trap,โ€ Tony snapped.ย  Johnny did not appear to hear the comments, or if he did chose not to recognize the remarks of the backseat thug.

Johnny took the cigar and fingered it. He twirled it around with two fingers, and then placed it under his nostrils and inhaled deeply.

โ€œDoc says no more–not if Iโ€™m gonna live without an oxygen tank tucked into my pocket. How โ€˜bout that? I even gave up the cigars when I moved down here. I canโ€™t afford them anymore.โ€ His laughter came easy, the way it always did.

โ€œJohnny……I,โ€ Tony stuttered.

โ€œDid you hear the joke about the Italian and the Jew?โ€ Tony nodded yes, but Johnny began telling the joke anyway. Tony turned the ignition on and drove away from town, slowly like they do in a funeral procession. They left the parts of the city ruled by law and order. ย The white villas shaded by palms, and guarded security gates. They descended into the pit of the buried past, the old rail yards, the site of hollow industrial buildings and warehouses. From there Tony entered an abandoned parking lot inside a junkyard, piled high with tin and steel parts. At one time they were valuable, like Johnny. Those days were gone, the junk piled up, just like dead Mafia Dons.

The sky dimmed in these parts of town, the shadows from the freeway overpass blocked the late crimson sunlight. Johnny was quiet now, sitting calmly with his hands folded together in his lap. His facial muscles relaxed, the jokes were over now. His mind was elsewhere.

โ€œThe son of a bitch gave me no choice John! Iโ€™m sure dead too if I ….โ€ Tony stammered.

โ€œStop your babbling, Iโ€™m not your priest. I got a few orders for you. I want you to get word to Smiley, before anyone, you hear me. Donโ€™t call his home; heโ€™s got a private service. Iโ€™ll give you the number when Iโ€™m finished.ย  Heโ€™ll know what to tell my sister. Heโ€™s a born messenger of bad news. Had to do it too many times.โ€

โ€œHow long you known we was coming?โ€ย  Tony asked solemnly.

โ€œJust as long as Iโ€™ve been taking orders. Tony my boy, I didnโ€™t think Iโ€™d go out like Brando in the movie. How long has it been now? …forty-five years. Thatโ€™s a long life in these shoes.ย  The whole mess is running through my head Tony, as we sit here, itโ€™s like a movie rewinding. You want to know the best of it; I mean the one moment worth remembering. The first night I walked into the Mayflower Hotel as a guest of Capone. My first big shindig was a coming out party for Joey Lewisโ€™s big fight.ย  I was so impressed with Ricca back then, I tried to mimic him. Must have looked like a soiled fool. I thought I had a smart suit on until I got to the party, and took a look around. Suddenly I felt like a paisano clown. I said to myself, Iโ€™ll never know this again; never will I feel less than the people around me. Capone treated me good in the beginning, all that money he threw around…..ย  It impressed Rockefeller.โ€

โ€œJohnny itโ€™s getting late,โ€ Tony interrupted.

โ€œCapone was puffed up that night, shaking hands with Walker and the boys at Tammany Hall. We were all one then, the politicians and the boys. I donโ€™t know how the thing got so screwed up.โ€ย  The car came to an abrupt stop, and the back door opened. Chuck got out and stretched his legs. Johnny glanced at him, โ€œSee, no respect anymore.ย  I would have diced his fingers off in the old days. Get out of the car Abe; go polish your piece or something,โ€ Johnny ordered, and then continued his story.

โ€œThat was the night Tony, the best of everything all night and I didnโ€™t sleep for a day afterward because I was so swollen with myself. It sounds silly now.โ€ Just as Tony tipped his head in memoryโ€™s path, Johnny clapped his hands loudly. Tony shuddered as Johnny knew he would.

โ€œLemme see the equipment,โ€ He ordered tossing the sentiment out of his voice. He turned his steely blue eyes on Tony and waited.

โ€œThey loaded me up, like I was going to a massacre. Theyโ€™re still afraid of you John. Even now I have to say.โ€ Tony rattled; heโ€™d lost the last bit of dry eyed machismo.

โ€œThatโ€™s a relief.โ€ย  Johnny answered.

Tony got out of the car and hopped around the front to open the door for Johnny.ย  He felt queasy in his stomach like the first time he had a hit. He watched Johnny now, knowing it would be some story to tell. ย First Johnny scanned his surroundings, like the eye of the camera.ย  He could take in distant angles without moving a muscle. He could estimate the distance of things, the entrances, and exits of buildings without appearing to even look at that direction. He closed his eyes for a minute. They all watched, and waited.

โ€œYou fellas been here earlier?โ€ Johnny shouted.ย  The three men exchanged a mutual questioning glance. Johnny shook his head in disgust.

โ€œHow can you show up at a location without knowing every rock and puddle?ย  Christ! Am I gonna have to shoot myself? Show me the equipment before I scare you off.โ€

Tony reluctantly unlocked the trunk of the car.ย  Johnny stepped forward, pushing Abe and Chuck out of the way.

โ€œLooks like a lot of machinery for a seventy year old veteran. Whatta they think, someoneโ€™s gonna drop down here with back up and take you boys on. What the hell are the knives for?โ€ Abe and Chuck rocked nervously on their heels. Tony hunched over, as if drawing breath from the ground.

โ€œTony!โ€ Johnny yelled.

โ€œIโ€˜m sick Johnny …. lemme catch my breath.โ€

โ€œYea, you do that, while Abe and Chuck sharpen the knives. Go on fellas get your pieces.โ€

โ€œJohnny, we have orders,โ€ Tony whispered

โ€œFrom who?ย  I donโ€™t care if you skin me!ย  I want to know who gave the order!โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not who you think Johnny, I could hardly believe it myself.โ€ Johnny moved closer to Tony, he stroked his back, and whispered, โ€œI promise I wonโ€™t tell pal,โ€ he said squeezing Tonyโ€™s balls.

โ€œThe order came from the White House; they called Santos, and told him to take care of it. Johnny I canโ€™t go through it, I canโ€™t do it.โ€ย  Then he fell to his knees and clutched Johnnyโ€™s leg, sobbing.

โ€œItโ€™s all right Tony, get up and give it to me the way they asked.โ€

โ€œWeโ€™ll clean you out first shot,โ€ Abe interjected. Again Johnny did not acknowledge the comment.ย  He reached out and put his hands on Tonyโ€™s shoulders, and looked him in the eye.

โ€œItโ€™s bad, they got cement donโ€™t they?โ€

โ€œOh Christ! let me take this all back.ย  I canโ€™t do what they ask. They want us to chop the legs, get you inside a steel drum, and in the water.โ€ Tony suddenly heaved up, and vomited, sobbing at the same time.

โ€œJesus Christ Tony, youโ€™re disgusting,โ€ Abe shouted. He took a cigarette from his pocket. Johnny turned slowly around and glared at the bridge of his nose. He locked in on the spot, and gradually walked toward him. He reached for Abeโ€™s pistol, a 357 magnum and holding it in Abeโ€™s hand guided the pistol until it was pointing directly into his eyes.

โ€œIf youโ€™re in a hurry, go ahead and shoot me now.โ€ย  Abe turned sideways. Then he dropped his aim, and walked away. Johnny leaned against the car, and wiped his brow.ย  ย ย ย  โ€œLet me alone for awhile; take a walk, all of you.โ€ He ordered.

Tony pulled himself up and wiped his mouth.ย  That was the least he could do, give the boss one last moment. He signaled for Abe and Chuck to follow and they headed towards one of the abandoned warehouses.ย  Johnny waited until they were exactly thirty-five feet off.ย  Then he slid into the car, and turned on the ignition.ย  In a whirl of smoky dirt, he spun the car around three times, and flew past the boys, laughing his head off.ย  He didnโ€™t stop laughing until he reached the airport. He left the car, and ran all the way to the reservation desk of Air Italia.ย  Perspiring and short of breath, he said to the pretty young clerk.ย  โ€œOne way ticket please, to Palermo…. Sicily.โ€ Johnny was going home.

John Rosselli (right) checks over a writ of ha...
John Rosselli (right) checks over a writ of habeas corpus with his lawyer, Frank Desimone after Rosselli surrendered to the U.S. Marshall here yesterday… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Reference: All American Mafioso, The Johnny Roselli Story. ย By: Ed Becker.

THE MEMOIR IN PROGRESS


 

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  MY HOODLUM SAINT

WHERE TO BEGIN THIS STORY OF A FATHER THAT I ONLY CAME TO UNDERSTAND BY READING HIS FBI FILES, BOOKS ABOUT MOB HISTORY WRITTEN BY LAW ENFORCEMENT AND COLLEGE PROFESSORS, AND DOCUMENTARIES PRODUCED BY FOES OF MY FATHER.

My last year with Dad was 1981. Naive, and unconcerned with where I was headed, or how Iโ€™d get there if I figured it out,ย  I was spinning around in an executive chair; waiting for the big hand on the black and white office clock to set me free.ย  Time didnโ€™t pass; I hauled it over my head, in my bland windowless office, under florescent glare. I was trouble shooting for an ambitious group of USC guys as they gobbled up all of Los Angeles real estate. Without any real sense of survival or independence, my life was in the hands of my father.

โ€œMeyerโ€™s coming to see me; havenโ€™t seen the little guy in twenty-five years.โ€ ย ย Dad said during a commercial break.

โ€œMeyer Lansky?โ€ I asked as casually as heโ€™d spoken.

โ€œWho else?โ€

โ€œWhy did you two wait so long?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s no concern of yours; heโ€™s my friend, not yours.โ€ I was twenty-nine years old and still verbally handcuffed.

The three of us went out to dinner, and while the two of them spoke in clipped short wave syndicate code, I

noticed that neither one of them looked at all happy.ย  It was rare to catch my father in public with a friend, without raucous laughter, and storytelling.ย  My attempt to revive the dinner conversation with my own humor,returned two sets of silent eyeball commands to resist speaking.

Several months later I received a call from Dad asking me to come over to his apartment, he had collapsed on the bathroom floor. ย When I arrived, he pleaded for me to stay close by.ย ย  โ€œIโ€™ll be all right in a few minutes; I just need to catch my breath. โ€ย  I sat outside the bathroom door biting my nails, and waited, like our dog Spice, for my orders. For the first time in my life, he was weaker than I, and my turmoil centered on that unfamiliar reversal of roles.

 

I REMEMBER


Frank Costello, American mobster, testifying b...
Image via Wikipedia

I was a child of the fifties; when raising kids was easily defined. Mommy stayed home and made sure the kids didnโ€™t burn the house down. Daddy went to an office to make money to pay for the house, and children waited until they were grown up to find out anything really useful. It was before the generation-gap was coined, or children knew how to be witty and sharp. In our air-tight neighborhood of Bel Air, Los Angeles, we were naรฏve, privileged, kids; bogged down with falling off bicycles, not being chosen for the school play, and bringing home the most candy at Halloween.

I believed in Santa Clause, the Easter bunny, and if I was good, Mommy would let me stay up and watch the Sunday night Variety Show.

America was threatened by the Russian Communists and Organized crime. Public enemy Number One was New York Mafia Boss, Frank Costello. Frank became super famous when he refused to testify on national television for Senator Estes Kefauver. The Kefauver Committee delivered explosive headlines between 1950 and 1951, as the government unveiled the hidden hand of the Mafia in the United States.