writers – ON MEN -Excerpt from Gaslighting Greta What I think of at three in the morning spirals into realizations and recognitions, and a time when my mirrors move toward me. The insomnia of separation from a man’s shoulder bowed to my head, tweaks my worries like soft bread. The mind that directs me when driving adventurely maps our journey safely. The voice that encourages and applauds my success rather than swaying with jealousy or preoccupation. How the laughter erupts in a moment of spontaneous passion. The gestures of him shaving, and the modest vanity after I re-wardrobe him. Feeling his eyes in a crowd, undressing or admiring me, for some folly or expression. The humor he finds in my misguided attempts to open bottles and packages with a dull spoon and figure out electronics. How he will pardon and pamper my unwarranted fears of stalkers, nightmares, cancer, and falling down the slippery wooden stairs. The man whose balance evens my wrinkles, lets light into my eyes, and opens my shell with wonder and shelter. See less Shared post <a href="https://www.facebook.com/gootgeldlevine?comment_id=Y29tbWVudDoxMDI0ODA0MDk3OTU4Mzk1Nl8yMDk0MDk5Mzg0ODA0OTQx&__cft__[0]=AZir3RmnNxdJAyXcf_I8lKe5Kp45iAZZg9H4GDHaydaCUWBka4vtUxb4T2JY2u6yTsQJ6oT04i9C_Xer5ma2GF6Wa8EYTHhefjLOPi1FDpV3D3FPIEWV5JRL7E9Awi6SScHhjW5KOtHn9w&__tn__=R-R">Carolyn Gootgeld-Levine</a> · Dad? LUELLEN SMILEY ADVENTURERS IN LIVINGNESS

MEMOIR JOURNALS TO A BOOK

October 18th, 2026

WHY I WROTE GASLIGHTING GRETA

Writing, like life itself, is a voyage of discovery, so I wrote Gaslighting Greta, to discover my part in the story. Not the one I lived as it was happening, the one that opened my eyes as I wrote. The outline was a cloudy mirror, notations every day on the events suspended into my life; gaslighting, lies, broken promises, tyrannical rages, physical assaults, all the emblems that my partner of thirty-five years disengaged. About midway into the manuscript, around page eighty, the cloudy mirror began exposing and demanding my full force of defense.

Writing Gaslighting Greta was my padded cell with friends, and doctors watching over me. If I kept writing and battling their bullets I would survive. It is now nine years later, and the manuscript is in the hands of a publisher’s editor. So, I have been rewriting this on and off for close to a decade.

I admit that the liberation of, it is published! will be a surprise. Not all writers understand the motive until it is over.

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

HEADING TO A NEW HISTORY

October 17th, 2026

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

AI CONVERSATION

October 16th, 2026

CONVERSING WITH AI TO LAUNCH MY PRE PUBLICATION ANOUNCENTMENT AUTHOR WEBSITE. DAZZLING

“Yes. We did this yesterday, and I found our earlier shortlist. You do not need to start that search over again.

“I also rechecked the strongest option today. My first choice remains WordPress.com‘s Express Website Design Service. It is $499 one time, plus the $108/year Premium plan, and they build a five-page site. Importantly, WordPress says these sites are built by its in-house design experts—real people, not simply an AI website generator. They also specifically show an “Author / Book” design category. WordPress.com

WordPress.com Express Website Design

There is one drawback I want to investigate before I tell you to spend the $499: WordPress says the Express package doesn’t include revisions. WordPress.com Given the trouble you’ve already had with WordPress support, that’s important.

So go attend to your home projects. Don’t email or call a bunch of designers. When you’re ready to return to this, I’ll narrow our previous search to no more than three choices, with my preferred choice first, and I’ll specifically check which ones give you a real human you can speak with, what they charge, and whether they’ll renovate your existing Odyssey of Adventures site rather than make you start over.”

Glowing network connects a handwritten concept sketch with a digital interface — Glowing connections link a sketched concept map with a modern digital interface, symbolizing the transformation of ideas into technology.

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

POP-UP CONSCIOUSNESS

October 10th, 2026

What I expected would never enter my life splashed my senses. I did judge, criticize, and sometimes ignore those in anguish and destitution. I am reliving those lives. A kind of philosophical justice, as the reckoning rises transparent as glass, my character needed revision. I was a hedonist. This act can’t be accomplished by AI, medicine, exercise, diet, or therapy. Only me. Once written must be done.

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

EXCERPT FROM GASLIGHTING GRETA

October 8th, 2026

Greta, in our last discussion this fall, is when the trunk of truth took center stage. She acknowledged her inability to contribute financially to the mortgages. ‘ I could have sought employment in another gallery, or worked in the hotel, but I was determined to be independent, to develop profits with vacation rentals, long-term rentals, and then to sell. I was pointedly wrong. I’ve been scolding and admonishing myself for five years, and I don’t know when this will stop.’ Greta did not allow self-punishment to end. The more she turned off the outside world, let her thoughts free to roam, she felt debased. She had not taken notice of the signals from Dodger, how depressed and disgusted he was with their financial ambiguity.

ANAIS NIN

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

FALL INTO AUTUMN

October 1st, 2026

EXCERPT FROM GASLIGHTING GRETA

When I spoke with Greta in November and asked to see the next journal book, she replied instantly, ‘There’s nothing worth writing about. I breezed through it, and it’s all about what to sell of my treasures, finances, and whiny words.’ I asked if she’d send me the journal just in case there is a good transition to the next season. She said, All right. I imagine she ripped out the pages she didn’t want to reveal.

FROM THE JOURNAL

day in bed, emptied into a slab of molasses. In the next room, half-wrapped boxed books, photographs, summer clothes that need to be stored.

Fall light appears in the dining music room and falls on a stack of Swing vinyl. I need to listen to this music in the winter. I search for jobs on Indeed in the gallery museum category. What the heck! There are so many requirements I’ve never heard of. It’s all tech, and I’m not an alpha beast expert in SEO, platforms, social media, Excel, Adobe, and PowerPoint. I do have experience. I am passionately curious about artists’ lives and art history. Now I am the one being interviewed by a thirty-year-old when once I was on the other side, a juxtaposition of reality. That kind of thinking got me into trouble, too much imagination and not enough reality. What is the name of that kind of person? Escapist, misfit, eccentric, dreamer?

The Follies House-Broadway Suite Vacation Rental 2003. What a marvelous time I had decorating.

COMING SOON PULICATION OF…

September 28th, 2026

GASLIGHTING GRETA

A thirty -five-year bond broken by, sudden estrangement, psychological abuse, foreclosure, and gaslighting. Financial and legal burdens are presented in dark humor while tracking Greta’s will to survive through the power of friendship.

Gaslighting Greta is a suspenseful and deeply personal true story about the mysteries people create, the truths we sometimes resist, the enduring power of love, and the unexpected freedom found through self-reckoning and forgiveness.
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This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

WordPress wonky

September 27th, 2026

I chose a new theme, and it is more complicated than figuring out how to build a house if you’ve never done it before. None of the links’ work, the block that forces you to write inside its parameters and the template choices don’t operate without a manual. I’ve written to the “Happy Tech Engineer” 5 times. No help at all. I’ll be working on this.

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

WORLD HISTORY VS PERSONAL HISTORY

September 24th, 2026

Pop-up thought. I hear it all the time, if you don’t know our countries history, our enemies and allies, you cannot understand the present. Why then are we, as individuals asked to move on, avoid and exorcise our past? Dylan probably sang the answer.

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

TRUTH & TALK

September 18th, 2026

Writing feels rusty today. I plow deliberately through the blank mental soil to find a blade of substance in a week of tragedy and cultural chaos. In conversations with men and women about our fractured culture.

” It was never like this when I was growing up,” that is from a fifty-year-old,

” I won’t get on a plane, no way?” from a forty-year-old.

” I don’t talk about my views with anyone at work or out of work, except my family and friends.”

I replied, “Yes, we have to talk niceties, bland boring conversation. “

When I was growing up, there was more joking, laughter, and confessional conversation. I was thinking about my high school years; we talked a lot about emotions, our parents, our dreams, and our fears. I don’t recall restraining what was on my mind. Perhaps that is why the majority of the younger generation prefers social media friends, as they can be easily deleted or blocked. On my FB page and feed, not one follower or friend reveals their political views, including myself. Isn’t that so contrary to humanity? And political violence, I keep hearing we won’t tolerate that on the news, but we are tolerating it. Do we all need drones over our homes for security? An optimist would say, We can do better, and we will; a pessimist might say, I think it’s going to get worse, and a nihilist would say, Life isn’t worth fixing; it’s just worthless.

I’m still dusting off the pleasantness of the past with the polemic present.

TRUTH IS OUT OF STYLE IMPRESSIONS, ENGAGEMENTS AND CLICKS ARE IN.

September 13th, 2026

Truth is out of style, it rather went the way of a six-hundred page novel, bicycles built for two, print magazines, handwritten mailed letters and holiday cards, classic modesty, privacy, discretion, trust to a stranger (after you have googled and backgrounded the person) and many other authenticates we don’t have the time or patience to endure. I’m leaving out acronyms because those change daily.

We take short cuts, and improvise our way through the encrypted labyrinth of electronic devices and political divided modernism. We are in a revolution, it’s been coined Cancel Culture, that’s just a tagline. Our Democrats and Republicans, are trafficking disinformation. Not a day goes by that a political analyst or news anchor doesn’t say it. The parties have developed fox and hound instincts.

9/13 First basting of Autumn doesn’t drape the beaches; I’d have to go to Julian. I love Julian, once I got this wild idea to buy dozens of pies and set up a display in local grocery stores. I got a wholesale price and loaded up my tiny kitchen with pies. Then I took them to the grocery stores, and open spaces in shsopping centers. I sold them! What I didn’t do was get a contract so the Julian Pie Company joined in and signed a contract with the stores to sell them directly from their shelves. I ate a lot of apple pies that autumn.

IMAGINE the USA was your city. Go a step further and imagine it was your community. One more step, your neighborhood. What do you think? Are you safe? Are you prospering: emotionally, professionally, financially? Are your circle of friends, family, associates dancing jubilee? If I wake up hopeful, without muscle cramps, anxiety, a friend in crisis, and a new alert, I write. . The melody of writing is like playing a violin or a guitar, it marinates the suffering, conflict, threats, political disagreement, Antisemitism, and violence beyond my front door. I am thankful that I found this little quiet friendly complex of studios.

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

HORIZONS BEYOND ACRONYMS IRL, DMing

September 4th, 2026

I am leaning into naturalness more than the keyboard, screen and far from the madding crowd.

You hear a chime the moment it responds to a breeze. The sound is beautiful, like rain on a metal rooftop and wind in the trees. The chime improvises its sounds and movements. This abstraction reminds me of sensitivity. It can be soft and gentle, nurturing the souls of those who are less peaceful. Or it can be like pounding surf on a frail body.

Back at the desk, sensitivity reigns me in when I am stunned by these acronyms. What does DMing mean so I asked and it is this, Dungeon Mastering, or are they referring to Direct Messaging? Then came IRL, what could that be? IN REAL LIFE!

I’m going outdoors right now, this is crawling up my back like a slimy snake. We have to identify real life?

2SP – Two sensitive person!

This is not a “How to Recognize Gaslighting” or a “Step-by-Step Guide to Gaslighting.” This is a true story, drawn from my experience.

First Paragraph: Without a partner, lover, or relative nearby during our feared and festive flights of life, our ribs cave. You cannot eat cake alone on your birthday, attend a funeral without a shoulder next to you, or celebrate a finished project without your best friend.

I’ve written in the genre of Creative Nonfiction, integrating the events through dialogue, journal entries, and a third-person narrative. Within three locations, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Los Angeles, California, and Saratoga Springs, NY. Greta (me) exposes the mutilation gaslighting abuse inflicts on her emotions, psychology, mental and physical health, and her finances.

Where Gaps of Expression are Liberated

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