Locked up in the imaginary world of writing. It’s not always so accessible, so effortless, and when it is lock yourself in and give it your life.
The fall drapery from the window teases me with specks of sunlight, and leaves dropping like snowflakes. My spirit is drawn outdoors.
to walk, hike, run in its splendor. Sacrifice is how we finish our plays, canvas, book, song, and poem.
Tag: Writing
DIARY TO DIARY
I appreciated him coming back to look after me while I was temporarily flattened by a silly back spasm. I know that he would have preferred staying in Taos with his new lover. I also know the feeling of being split in two-known it for two and half years when I was with John. Sometimes I felt like Anais Nin who had a husband, she didn’t sleep with but who supported her writing, and then accepted her lovers like Henry Miller, Gonzalez, and Durrell.
That mixes up the cocktail of love so at one moment, you know whom you love, and whom you want to be with, and the next day, it is all clouded, opaque and vague as a dirty olive martini. It is frustrating to know that my love for Rudy is bygone for what we both need now. Sometimes, it just crushes me in the knees and I beg for answers. He is sheltering me from the truth, but I know the new woman in his life could be serious. I know that, because I know him so very well. I am prepared; at least I’ve faced the insertion of someone else in his life, who will encapsulate his time and thoughts. If only I had the motivation to script this, or book write it, because it is, extraordinarily unique. It divides the weak from the strong when it comes to love. Nothing ruins a man more than love, and I mean woman too. It is the one force in our life that can leave us heartless or make us heartwarming.
When life imitates art; I’ve read the diaries of Anais Nin so often, they must have invited themselves into my life.
WHEN TO WRITE
Now. I don’ feel like writing, and haven’t for a month other than scribbling in the journal and on napkins. When I run from the pen, then it is time to write. I bought the refills yesterday, and three writing pads. What I discovered, going straight to the laptop is constipating; I must first write in long hand allowing the flow of urgency to ink and not having the option of making corrections.
UNDERSTANDING
His eyes widened with the surplus of understanding that comes after you’ve accepted an unimaginable pain. Why is it that
tragedy teaches us more than triumph?
ART OF BAR WRITING
SANTA FE, NM
It was just 3 in the afternoon, and I’d returned from a trip to San Diego, and my body craved relaxation, but not in the house, where suitcases remained unpacked, and dishes to be washed. I walked down to La Fonda Hotel and sat at a table in the woodsy and old leather bar. The smell of tequila and chips permeates the room, so I flowed with the
ambiance and ordered guacamole and a margarita. Sipping slowly, I took notice of the other people around me; old men in Spanish colonial chairs staring into the hotel activity, the reception desk staff, fudging with room reservations, and the lovely waiter, who bowed each time he came to my table. I hadn’t planned on thinking about the script I’m working on, and just as I was unwinding my limbs from the plane ride and trip from Albuquerque, ideas started boiling up like bubbles about this script. I panicked because I didn’t have my journal, or even a pen. Ah! the gift shop.. …
” Do you have a writing pad?”
“What kind?”
“With lines.”
” We have a few.”
” I’m in a hurry, anything will do.”
” What’s the rush?”
” I’m a writer,”
” Oh, I get it.” The clerk rushed through the transaction, and as I was about to leave I remembered,
” And a pen.”
She handed me the one she was writing with, and off I went.
Seated with my tools, I scribbled the thoughts as fast as they entered my still sober self, and when I finished, I took to writing about my surroundings. Yes, this is a place to bar write. I’ve observed Sam Shepard in several places writing through a meal. He has the distinction of not being bothered, but if he is, he draws a line around his space with his power pupils, one glance, and you’re blown off his planet. Sam does not always position his power pupils to defer interruption, I’ve seen him put his pen down and engage the stranger. His eyes turn to a likeness of the Mustang horse, wild and waiting for tenderness.
You have to practice this art, because invariably someone will ask if you are a writer, if you are published, and then they tell you they want to be a writer too. I don’t have power pupils so I put on my head-set and if necessary place my phone to the ear, if I am in the middle of a superlative sentence that I cannot stop. You also have to monitor your drinking, because I’ve learned more than one glass, is not going to read like it did while you were drinking.
A MAN AND A WOMAN
THE PAIN A MAN FEELS WHEN TAKEN FOR HIS MONEY, IS Equal to a woman taken for her sexual pleasure, and nothing else.
TEST PILOT
THE FILM, stars Myrna Loy, Clark Gable and Spencer Tracy. At the risk of outrage from women who hate men, this film illustrates what a woman will and should do for the man she truly loves. The catch five is finding the right man to do it for!
HONESTY BRINGS HONOR.
The interior dialogue that is MALICIOUS and masked from the outside world, rots and takes the man or woman with it. BE HONEST AND IF YOUR ENCOUNTERS AREN’T, TEACH THEM.
REMBEMBER YOUR BEST
Remember, who you were, at eighteen, bring her or him back, if they’ve gotten lost in the
woods of disappointment.
One foot off the ground, eyes pinned to the crest of creativity, at eighteen all I wanted was freedom and adventures. I wasn’t ever going to get married, and be tied down. Hah, this is the path I took, sometimes Mount Disappointment.
UNCERTAINTY LIVING
LIVING day to day without
any certainty is like being on the Titanic that won’t sink but is filled
with water, and sinking.
It may be time to explain what adventures in livingness are; not just to you but to myself. The suspense: it drives us, we don’t have a cupboard of familiarity, it keeps changing, like the weather, most of us are single in this department. Sometimes acts of God and nature intervene, so we have no control over the next hour or the next year. The essentials, a home, food on the table, and some circle of family or friends that will hug you and say, I understand instead of ‘everything works out in the end.’ Imagination plays the hand in this kind of living, we dream a lot, we plan and then we change the plan, we are adaptable and that is what we strive for, to be adaptable, to lifestyles, cultures, location, and unfamiliar walks on roads our sneakers don’t know.
SAND AND SENSE
Memories are like walking on the sand. You try to walk over them, but they drag you in, and you can’t get out. You got to feel the sand, like memories, you got to walk through them, and know that you got them inside you. Like grains of sand that remain after you left the beach
EDITING A LIFE
Instead of launching the billboard type of changes in your life that come crushing down on us, try editing out a few nuances at a time. After you experiment with that, try revising your fears, one at a time.
ADVENTURERS IN LIVINGNESS 