ANAIS NIN ON PARIS


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THE DIARY OF ANAIS NIN VOLUME SIX 1955-1966

“All of Paris is caressable, La ville caresse, la ville caressante, with its outer life all grace and wit, at heart a mystic lover, a philosopher, a man of taste.ย  In its ancient decor, it is always youthful because its source of life is inner, and always renewed. The past is so vivid that it fills the streets. It is full. the magic of its unity and harmony of colors and textures and styles. When there were contrasts, they were contrasts between medieval somberness and modern gaiety.ย  “

THE ART OF CONVERSATION – FRANCE VS THE USA


SANTA FE, NM.

LAST NIGHTย  AT LA POSADA,ย  the hotel across the street from where I live,ย  I cushioned myselfย  fireside to read the newspaper.ย  The circle of conversation across from me was loud enough to hear and so I listened.

” The rental rates of vacation rentals has skyrocketed. We have a vacation rental in Colorado and it is always occupied.ย  You know you can make a lot of money, it is very hard work.”ย  It has taken many years to listen objectively rather than critically. I’m not underlining the narrative as much as why would they discuss finance in the midst of terrorist mayhem.

I sat there for at least forty-five minutes and the conversation thread did not waver from personal income.ย ย  I’ve approached the subject of terrorism with friends and acquaintances since Friday the 13th. Only one couple who’ve just relocated here engaged. The gentleman was born in Belgium and he was eager to share his European opinions.

Over the last few days I’ve been watching Sky News.ย  http://news.sky.com/watch-live. This is an international online station. The journalists report news, they do not debate, criticize, or condemn those they interview.ย  During the program the scenes in Paris, London, and around the world capture the public’s activity, conversations, triumphs and tragedy.ย  What this illustrates is thatย  conversationย  in many US arenas must pass the political censorship exam.

I understand political discussions strike fiery bantering and this may cause a rouse and attract attention, and that isย  unacceptable in respectful society. Not so in France!ย  For me, this truly illuminates the difference between our cultures.ย  They are educated in the art of conversation, and in love with expression.

When I lived in Malibu last summer, most of the guests of the owner were Parisians.ย  This artistic andย  talented group talked without pause from dusk to dark, drank bottles of wine and smoked,ย  a mise- en- scene from the French salons of the thirties. ย  They raised their voices, shouted, laughed in unison, teased and taunted without restraint.ย  At the end of the evening cheeks are kissed, hands held, and appetites satisfied.

Discussion with the Queen of Conversation

Harriet Dautel Funk. San Diego Opera 2006

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WHAT WE CAN DO


 

Fans of England and France united to sing a defiant rendition of the French national anthem at Wembley four days after the Paris attacks.

Prince William and David Cameron were among 71,223 people in the stadium as La Marseillaise rang out ahead of a minute’s silence to remember the 129 people who died.

England fans held aloft a mosaic of the French flag during the anthem.

Armed police stood guard at the stadium throughout the day after three suicide bombers attacked areas outside the Stade de France during the French national team’s last game on Friday.

It is the first time armed police have patrolled an English football match.

Wembley

COME IN. DOORS OPEN


ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  My stories stem from the inner voice where all the gaps of expression are liberated.

As a child reared under the MAFIA CODE OF SILENCE, speaking was too terrifying. My diary became the root of my expression. So I write!

I’m self-taught so ifย you notice my syntax offย you know why.ย  My pen moves from Creative Nonfiction to poetry. Column writing is how I began; I love the 2000 word lifestyle story that rises from adventuress in livingness.ย ย 

This year (after a seventeen-year crawl) I’ve finished a memoir:ย  “CRADLE OF CRIME.”

ย THANK YOU FOR VISITING.

Luellen Smiley is a creative Nonfiction writer and award-winning newspaper columnist who writes a bi-monthly column โ€œOdyssey of Loveโ€ and has been a regular contributor to MORE Magazine. Her โ€œGrowing Up With Gangstersโ€ stories appeared in the New York Post and in Southern California.
Luellen has completed a memoirย  based on her life as the daughter of Hollywood racketeer,ย  Allen Smiley, Benjamin Siegelโ€™s partner and best friend. Her extensive research the past twenty-five years led to numerous TV and Radio interviews regarding her discovery and breaking the silence.

PARIS WILL NOT PERISH


I watched coverage today in Paris from an online British station. It is important to me. More important than writing or dressing or going out. The journalists were sympathetic, the interviews soulful, the images–silencing. I don’t believe prayers are enough. President Hollande declared war.

Last night I watched a French film, Lola, before I heard the news. This was a film of Paris as golden and grainy as autumn. I thought I must go to Paris. Today I still must go to Paris.ย  BN-LG537_1114FR_J_20151114151709

THE LISTS OF LIFE


WHAT ARE THESE LISTS...ย  the long list is the list you started as a youth without even knowing you were making plans for your future. This is the list that does not have to be in writing, keyed in a Blackberry or posted on the calendar.

The long list is about cutting out, shocking the system and coming back unharmed. It is an exceptional adventure sensation we visualize while waiting for a flight at the airport, for the neighbor to turn off the leaf blower, for the light to turn green.

All of the things we monitor in our lives, like the need to have a cavity filled or checking the coolant level is multiplying and that short list is so long we rarely have time to consider the long list.ย  None of those items will make any difference in tenย years, not one.

The short list is a big obstacle in the way of the long list. By the time we get to the long list, we may be crippled by fear, turned into a sofa shouting grumpy cynic or, worse than all the above, we may have forgotten what we wanted.

Waiting too long to start an adventure on the long list is looking at me in the face. It isย  September, t128_2887his is the month of change. Itย  is going to be autumn, and if you live in a seasonal climate, it is going to land on your front porch.ย  Before the fall is scooped up in garbage bags and placed by the dumpster, my nextย  adventure is moving to the short list.

SARATOGA SPRINGSย  BATTLEFIELD 2010- OFF THE LONG LIST

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SINGULAR DAYDREAMING


DAYDREAMING
When I watch my wild birds, I daydream of their freedom.

When I listen to Wes Montgomery I dream of Brazil, and riding on a float at Mardi Gras, just once, with a feather hat, and dressed like Rita Hayworth.

When I sit at my desk and look at my motherโ€™s photograph, I dream of the lunch we never had, and the lunch we did have, inย  Bullockโ€™s Garden Room, watching the fashion show and discovering tuna salads.

When I lie in bed at night I dream of him, whomever he is, wherever he is, and his strong shoulder cupped around my head, watching an old Cagney movie.

When I shovel snow I dream of California, of old Del Mar and running along the shore barefoot.ย  When I walk along Palace Avenue in Santa Fe,ย  I dream of walking in Brooklyn, or 5th Avenue at about 6 pm, when everyone pours into the street, a fountain of limbs and accessories.

Daydreaming unlike night dreaming where we are flying, conquering, or battling some inner masked trauma, illuminates where we want to be, and who we want to be, and if you take it seriously, how to get there. The medicine of daydreaming is unmatched by books, health food, vitamins, yoga, religion, mind altering experiences, it’s the essence of who we are, it defines our reality.

Mostly these days, I daydream6a011168668cad970c0120a94abd12970b-400wim of finishing the longest work-in progress book and as my pal Blair says, finish and move on with your life. For those of you who know me, when the time comes for a diligent writing routine, the act is outwardly selfish. Engagements canceled,ย  phone is not answered, and my email correspondence drops off.ย  If a trauma settles in my mind while Iโ€™m writing, the rhythm dissipates. Avoidance of the temptations that can draw me away from the work; men, my gal pals problems, Rudy falling off the ladder, and a vacant income.

As I assemble my columns, government transcripts, book excerpts, and emotions into a page of writing what is different this time is I know what belongs and what doesnโ€™t. The worst part of writing for me is vacillating, that mind twist of indecision. It is like the indecision of moving, or breaking up, or taking a different outlook, one youโ€™ve never even considered before.

The world we are living is not familiar; everyday it erupts with an inconceivable corruption, act of violence, and viciousness against humanity. It’s not the Italian roast coffee that wakes me up, itโ€™s world news.ย  I feel less and less a part of the humanity and more like a wild creature that is fighting for the past. My outlook on social clubs, synagogue and church congregations, group classes, and all that letโ€™s meet up organizing makes a lot of sense now. Especially if you donโ€™t have children, or a life mate the temptation to retreat into your own world of fantasy is irresistible. My next thread will be on the single life, I can claim expertise in that!

Last night a stranger in a sports jacket, silver hair, and polished shoes sat beside me at the Staub House. He struck a conversation and within fifteen minutes he said, ” I’m going to the Chamber Music Concert series tonightย  and next week I go to three operas. ” My interior dialogue is assessing him; he’s very presentable, wears glasses well, and loves the arts. Maybe he will invite me. We continue chatting and then suddenly he switches tenses; it is no longer I, now it is we don’t live in Colorado in the winter, we have a house in Tuscon.

After a few travel stories he says,” I have an extra ticket for tonight. Would you like to go? I’m meeting some friends afterward at the Compound.”ย  A second of hesitation on my part, as this is the temptation I was talking about.

” I’d have to change and you’re running late.”

”ย  I guess you’re right. Will you be here tomorrow night?”

” Maybe.”

What’s interesting today looking back, is that he didn’t even lie about being married or involved long-term.ย  Men use to lie about that didn’t they?ย  I mean what’s so unusual about having a tryst with a married man today? Daydreaming is not indecisive or dishonest. Maybe one of the most genuine of vices.
http://www.positivelypresent.com


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SUMMER IN SANTA FE


All I SEE AT THIS HOUR IS
dinner for most of the USA. Imagine all those people, dining in separate uniqueness. The walls of imagination merge with internal images, from the media, personal experience, and true life stories. What I think of at dinner time is never the same at ten oโ€™ clock in the morning. The labyrinth of safety, family, friends, security ALL colliding with the unknown, seems to be the most innocent of emotions. It is also a time that springs bright-eyed realizations, recognition, and a time when our mirrors move toward us. Who we surround us with is who we are.

The wind is sullen as it has gone from the spruce tree outside my window.

I want to get up and take a long walk, listening to the sound of my own steps on the brick walkway. I walk outdoors onto my steps and sit on a pillow watching the birds flock to a fresh pour of seeds. The silence is like a mirror to me. This un-sound so clear and virgin in Santa Fe, brings me back to my adolescent years in Hollywood. The nights my father went out, allowing me the freedom to explore outside. I would run down Doheny Drive to Santa Monica Boulevard and just keep running. It was on those windy Santa Ana nights that Iโ€™d run the longest. I was running because the need to express something was bulging through my soul. This night is like that, only I donโ€™t feel like running, I am listening to the sounds of silence. Watching the shadows that look like ghosts, and the clouds that appear to have messages, and how everything is different when you are alone.

July is expectant there is expectancy everywhere you look. The blossoms on the tree limbs are blooming, the birds have evacuated their nests and begin singing early in the morning, and insects eject themselves from their hidden corners. I donโ€™t know what summer is like for a man, Iโ€™ve never asked any man, but I am going to tell you what summer is like for one woman.

The essence is sensuous, and for a woman, it is an overture.
We strip down the layers of clothing; replacing socks with sandals, and sweaters with t-shirts. When I hear birds and watch them in the trees, I think of babies and innocence. There are flowers shooting through the heavy clasp of winter dormancy, and when they do, the colors remind me to replace all the black pants and turtlenecks with pastel shades of coral and blue.

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The sunlight radiates through my skin and warms everything. My heart feels like it has has been through a tune-up. My body wants to dose in sea water, eat less, run up Canyon Road, listen to music, dine al fresco, and get pedicures. All of this preparation is to tune up the romantic notes and to get YOUR ATTENTION. It is time to bring you out of the garage, or wherever you go in spring, and to notice that we are blooming.
Surprise us with flowers, a new hat, or a picnic on the banks of the Rio Grande. Our attention is on our surroundings; we will want to buy flowers, and baskets and new cushions for the patio furniture. We change our lipstick color, comb our hair different, and we look for new ways of expressing how good we feel.

If you live in Santa Fe then you understand when I say slow down summer do not leave us.
โ€œIs there any feeling in a woman stronger than curiosity? What would a woman not do for that? Once a womanโ€™s eager curiosity is aroused, she will be guilty of any folly, commit any imprudence, venture upon anything, and recoil from nothing.โ€
Excerpt from Guy De Maupassant, โ€œAn Adventure in Paris.โ€

 

JOHNNY ROSELLI – MURDERED?


I met Johnny for the first time at my mother’s funeral. He told she was a saint.

JOHNNY ROSELLI.jpg2
A blue Ford sedan with tinted windows pulled up in front of a bar in Biscayne Bay. The driver Tony, stared out the windshield looking beyond the boundaries made by man. Two of his men, sat in silence in the back seat. They were staring ahead, in the same mental latitude as the driver, with unblinking surgeon eyes. Tony turned off the ignition and leaned back. The only sound came from the flapping of the bar screen door.
โ€œMove,โ€ Tony ordered closing his eyes. Abe and Chuck exited the sedan in one long continuous motion as if they tied together. Tony waited, without changing the position of his right hand on the leather coated steering wheel. He heard the bar door squeak as it opened. He could see Abe and Chuck entering the bar. He did not need to see them physically. This was stored in his memory. The single file procession into the bar, the attachment to the target, and the guarded exit. Tony checked the time on his pocket watch. The minutes went slowly. He lost his concentration, and was tumbling in memories; he filed them in two categories, the ones that belonged to the outfit, and the ones that belonged to him. He slipped back to the sixties, in Las Vegas, when the boys sat poolside at the Desert Inn and bit into olives handed to them by freshly polished show girls in bikinis. Then he saw Johnny, lounging at the pool, his crown of white hair perfectly combed. He was surrounded by showgirls. The dames loved Johnny. He was better than any Hollywood movie star.
Then the door to the passenger side opened. Tony glanced at the blue gabardine slacks, and Gucci loafers. He could smell Johnny, even before he got in the car. His scent was recognizable, as if heโ€™d been born wearing Boucheron.
โ€œFor crying out loud boys–I was just getting
an erection. โ€
Johnny turned to Tony, the man he met twenty years ago when he was a driver for Santos Trafficante, the Mafia Don in Florida. Johnny slapped his knee and wheezed through his laugher. Tony couldnโ€™t return the glance, or the laughter
โ€œTony! Whatโ€™s the long face for, are we going to a funeral?โ€ Tony shook his head from left to right. He gripped the steering wheel, afraid he might put his fist right through the windshield. Johnny nudged his rib.
โ€œLoosen up, youโ€™ll miss the target.โ€ Tony reached into his breast pocket.
โ€œHave a cigar Johnny, fresh from Castro. The same brand you tried to poison him with remember?โ€ Tonyโ€™s forced laughter sounded hollow.
โ€œHell, that wasnโ€™t my idear; you guys are still screwing up the story. Thatโ€™s your problem, if youโ€™re gonna squeal at least tell it the way it happened.โ€
โ€œYou shouldnโ€™t talk bout squealing Johnny,โ€ Chuck interrupted.
โ€œShut your trap,โ€ Tony snapped. Johnny did not appear to hear the comments, or if he did chose not to recognize the remarks of the backseat thug.
Johnny took the cigar and fingered it. He twirled it around with two fingers, and then placed it under his nostrils and inhaled deeply.
โ€œDoc says no more–not if Iโ€™m gonna live without an oxygen tank tucked into my pocket. How โ€˜bout that? I even gave up the cigars when I moved down here. I canโ€™t afford them anymore.โ€ His laughter came easy, the way it always did.
โ€œJohnny……I,โ€ Tony stuttered.
โ€œDid you hear the joke about the Italian and the Jew?โ€ Tony nodded yes, but Johnny began telling the joke anyway. Tony turned the ignition on and drove away from town, slowly like they do in a funeral procession. They left the parts of the city ruled by law and order. The white villas shaded by palms, and guarded security gates. They descended into the pit of the buried past, the old rail yards, the site of hollow industrial buildings and warehouses. From there Tony entered an abandoned parking lot inside a junkyard, piled high with tin and steel parts. At one time they were valuable, like Johnny. Those days were gone, the junk piled up, just like dead Mafia Dons.
The sky dimmed in these parts of town, the shadows from the freeway overpass blocked the late crimson sunlight. Johnny was quiet now, sitting calmly with his hands folded together in his lap. His facial muscles relaxed, the jokes were over now. His mind was elsewhere.
โ€œThe son of a bitch gave me no choice John! Iโ€™m sure dead too if I ….โ€ Tony stammered.
โ€œStop your babbling, Iโ€™m not your priest. I got a few orders for you. I want you to get word to Smiley, before anyone, you hear me. Donโ€™t call his home; heโ€™s got a private service. Iโ€™ll give you the number when Iโ€™m finished. Heโ€™ll know what to tell my sister. Heโ€™s a born messenger of bad news. Had to do it too many times.โ€
โ€œHow long you known we was coming?โ€ Tony asked solemnly.
โ€œJust as long as Iโ€™ve been taking orders. Tony my boy, I didnโ€™t think Iโ€™d go out like Brando in the movie. How long has it been now? …forty-five years. Thatโ€™s a long life in these shoes. The whole mess is running through my head Tony, as we sit here, itโ€™s like a movie .You want to know the best of it; I mean the one moment worth remembering. The first night I walked into the Mayflower Hotel as a guest of Capone. My first big shindig was a coming out party for Joey Lewisโ€™s big fight. I was so impressed with Ricca back then, I tried to mimic him. Must have looked like a soiled fool. I thought I had a smart suit on until I got to the party, and took a look around. Suddenly I felt like a Pisano clown. I said to myself, Iโ€™ll never know this again; never will I feel less than the people around me. Capone treated me good in the beginning, all that money he threw around….. It impressed Rockefeller.โ€
โ€œJohnny itโ€™s getting late,โ€ Tony interrupted.
โ€œCapone was puffed up that night, shaking hands with Walker and the boys at Tammany Hall. We were all one then, the politicians and the boys. I donโ€™t know how the thing got so screwed up.โ€
The car came to an abrupt stop, and the back door opened. Chuck got out and stretched his legs. Johnny glanced at him, โ€œSee, no respect anymore. I would have diced his fingers off in the old days. Get out of the car Abe; go polish your piece or something,โ€ Johnny ordered, and then continued his story.
โ€œThat was the night Tony, the best of everything all night and I didnโ€™t sleep for a day afterward because I was so swollen with myself. It sounds silly now.โ€ Just as Tony tipped his head in memoryโ€™s path, Johnny clapped his hands loudly. Tony shuddered as Johnny knew he would.
โ€œLemme see the equipment,โ€ He ordered tossing the sentiment out of his voice. He turned his steely blue eyes on Tony and waited.
โ€œThey loaded me up, like I was going to a massacre. Theyโ€™re still afraid of you John. Even now I have to say.โ€ Tony rattled; heโ€™d lost the last bit of dry eyed machismo.
โ€œThatโ€™s a relief.โ€ Johnny answered.
Tony got out of the car and hopped around the front to open the door for Johnny. He felt queasy in his stomach like the first time he had a hit. He watched Johnny now, knowing it would be some story to tell. First Johnny scanned his surroundings, like the eye of a camera. He could take in distant angles without moving a muscle. He could estimate the distance of things, the entrances, and exits of buildings without appearing to even look in that direction. He closed his eyes for a minute. They all watched, and waited.
โ€œYou fellas been here earlier?โ€ Johnny shouted. The three men exchanged a mutual questioning glance. Johnny shook his head in disgust.
โ€œHow can you show up at a location without knowing every rock and puddle? Christ! Am I gonna have to shoot myself? Show me the equipment before I scare you off.โ€
Tony reluctantly unlocked the trunk of the car. Johnny stepped forward, pushing Abe and Chuck out of the way.
โ€œLooks like a lot of machinery for a seventy year old veteran. Whatta they think, someoneโ€™s gonna drop down here with back up and take you boys on. What the hell are the knives for?โ€ Abe and Chuck rocked nervously on their heels. Tony hunched over, as if drawing breath from the ground.
โ€œTony!โ€ Johnny yelled.
โ€œIโ€˜m sick Johnny …. lemme catch my breath.โ€
โ€œYea, you do that, while Abe and Chuck sharpen the knives. Go on fellas get your pieces.โ€
โ€œJohnny, we have orders,โ€ Tony whispered
โ€œFrom who? I donโ€™t care if you skin me! I want to know who gave the order!โ€
โ€œItโ€™s not who you think Johnny, I could hardly believe it myself.โ€ Johnny moved closer to Tony, he stroked his back, and whispered, โ€œI promise I wonโ€™t tell pal,โ€ he said squeezing Tonyโ€™s balls.
โ€œThe order came from the White House; they called Santos, and told him to take care of it. Johnny I canโ€™t go through it, I canโ€™t do it.โ€ Then he fell to his knees and clutched Johnnyโ€™s leg, sobbing.
โ€œItโ€™s all right Tony, get up and give it to me the way they asked.โ€
โ€œWeโ€™ll clean you out first shot,โ€ Abe interjected. Again Johnny did not acknowledge the comment. He reached out and put his hands on Tonyโ€™s shoulders, and looked him in the eye.
โ€œItโ€™s bad, they got cement donโ€™t they?โ€
โ€œOh Christ! let me take this all back. I canโ€™t do what they ask. They want us to chop the legs, get you inside a steel drum, and in the water.โ€ Tony suddenly heaved up, and vomited, sobbing at the same time.
โ€œJesus Christ Tony, youโ€™re disgusting,โ€ Abe shouted. He took a cigarette from his pocket. Johnny turned slowly around and glared at the bridge of his nose. He locked in on the spot, and gradually walked toward him. He reached for Abeโ€™s pistol, a 357 magnum and holding it in Abeโ€™s hand guided the pistol until it was pointing directly into his eyes.
โ€œIf youโ€™re in a hurry, go ahead and shoot me now.โ€ Abe turned sideways, regained hold of his pistol and walked away. Johnny leaned against the car, and wiped his brow.
โ€œLet me alone for awhile; take a walk, all of you.โ€ He ordered.
Tony pulled himself up and wiped his mouth. That was the least he could do, give the boss one last moment. He signaled for Abe and Chuck to follow and they headed towards one of the abandoned warehouses. Johnny waited until they were exactly thirty-five feet off. Then he slid into the car, and turned on the ignition. In a whirl of smoky dirt, he spun the car around three times, and flew past the boys, laughing his head off. He didnโ€™t stop laughing until he reached the airport. He left the car, and ran all the way to the reservation desk of Air Italia. Perspiring and short of breath, he said to the pretty young clerk. โ€œOne way ticket please;to Palermo,Sicily.โ€ Johnny was going home.
THE END.

Reference: All American Mafioso, the Johnny Roselli Story. By: Ed Becker.

SHEETS OF LIFE AND DEATH


SPREADING THE SHEETS ON THE BED, IN THE SHY MORNING SUNLIGHT,ย  THE TASTE OF TURKISH COFFEE ON MY TONGUE,ย  THE CONVERSATIONAL RHYTHM OF NEW MEXICANSย  andย  SPANIARDS SALTED BY YEARS OF CONFLICT AND CONQUESTย  SOUNDING MORE LIKE BIRDS.ย  I TOOK A CORNER OF THE SHEET ANDย  SWEPT OUT THE WRINKLES.ย  MAKE LOVE ON SHEETS, MAKE BABIES, SLEEP.

EVERY ACT OFย  LIFE IS CAPABLE OF IMAGINATION AND EDUCATING US.

THERE MUSTย  BE SOME REWARD FOR THOSE WHO MAKE A GREATER EFFORT

AT BEING AND BECOMING,ย  ANAIS NIN DIARYย 

MY HEAD IS RICH WITH OBSERVATIONS, SCINTILLATIONS AND SENSORY STIMULATION

THE RICHNESS OF THE ATMOSPHERE IN UNTAMED GARDENS,PATHWAYS, TREES, AND THE BABES OF NEW MEXICO.

TAOS, GORGE BRIDGE ย  TAOS

http://www.mcall.com/entertainment/tv/mc-ian-bell-amc-making-mob–easton-2


http://www.mcall.com/entertainment/tv/mc-ian-bell-amc-making-mob–easton-2

Mother-Lucille Casey
Mother-Lucille Casey

Series one; Making of the Mob miniseries.
The founding fathers of organized crime had more honor and morality in their pinky finger than the government then, or the government now. I don’t expect any followers on this post, except those in my mob family. I studied the subject for eighteen years; read the FBI surveillance reports, and informants memos who portrayed themselves as friends of Dad. The FBI claimed, my father was a pimp and my mother a whore. They also referred to me as Shirley!