THUNDER THOUGHTS ON WRITING,READERS,AMTRAK,AND RELOCATION


ADVENTURES IN LIVINGNESS began with lightning and thunder. My bed braced against the window didnโ€™t alarm me like when I first moved here, and the storms startled me with their voluminous sound. After five years, the fears of weather, creaking noises, bats, mice, or a running deer as I drive have sifted through the thread of experience.   As the first attempt to accept relocation coming, I am unwinding with you, not at you, because youโ€™re all closer to me than you think.

I begin late on Friday, watching a half-lit scene with descending sunlight, the other bathed in asphalt gray,  the solid remains of this weekโ€™s punishing climate. Who cares about that after the news this week? I imagine every parent was stung in a way they may never have felt before. Everyone loves children, even those who didnโ€™t have them, cherish their innocence and liberating emotions. I asked a friend, how it affected him, he replied, โ€œ I didnโ€™t know I canโ€™t watch the news.โ€  

โ€œ You never watch the news?โ€

โ€œ Some stuff on social media.โ€

โ€œ The Mystic Camp tragedy didnโ€™t come up?.โ€

โ€œ No.. what happened?โ€. So I gave him some of the details, and when his expression turned dour, I stopped. Something another friend mentioned to me was Duty to Bare Witness, as we were talking about the Ukraine War.  Some call it tragedy trolling, I suppose thatโ€™s another kind of news watching.  Between the bubble wrap and boxing of what I think Iโ€™ll take, I listen to some news. I realize Iโ€™m not such an immoral person after listening to cantankerous battles on the hill.  

This city is drowsily awaiting the start of the Saratoga Race Track today. ย It is a sacrosanct epic convergence of rich and poor, doused in jewels or leather neck chokers. I love loyalty, and this event dates back to the 1880โ€™s. Itโ€™s the oldest race track in the country. When I had a press pass, and didnโ€™t wait in lines to attend, interview, and observe the festivities, it just canโ€™t be forgotten. I’m familiar with the groups that oppose horse racing, viewing it as a degenerate sport that harms both horses and gamblers. ย I understand that, considering my father was a gambler and horse lover, but it goes on for thousands who feel different. Can we not allow one to enjoy the other not?.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Sifting through collectibles, I found my letter to Amtrak. Many ย years ago, ย I wrote to the executives at Amtrak with this idea: Give a writer a free ride for a long journey, and allow them to write about it. Then, engage reporters at the different stops to show up and give the writer a pass to visit the city or town and meet the nuances that no one knew about. I felt pressed to seek escape, โ€˜Iโ€™m going to live on Amtrak!โ€™ The idea blossomed over some cabernet, and I lingered there in the kitchen, while I cooked up this idea, of riding Amtrak across America, while writing about subjects I choose from a long list, and develop it into a documentary, and a book. ย ย ย I realized how much effort it would take to launch and live this idea that was born in the kitchen over a bottle of cab. I spent the day researching and looking at the bedroom suites on Amtrak. I went to sleep imagining myself on the train, and the inherent comedy that would roll out, from living in a room the size of shoe box. I watched movies about trains, and started reading Paul Theroux’s The Old Patagonian Express. Del Mar, watching the Amtrak.

There I am on Amtrak, with a laptop and a recorder,  strolling through the aisles, interviewing people, and then Iโ€™m in some unfamiliar city, hopping from one place to another, and writing in cafes and adventuring. The illusion became real, like a dream that represents reality. I do see myself on such an adventure.   I must sculpt new routines, learn how to do the things Iโ€™m not used to doing.  I wrote to Amtrak, and I did not get a response. Several years later, they invited a writer to do what I had suggested. As the day descends into afternoon, I am perched in between, clinging to the wisdom of my posse, whom I call on for solace, for answers, for encouragement, and you readers, who keep me adventuring in writing.

CHAOS IN NOISE CLUTTER & RELOCATION


I RECUSE MYSELF FROM NOISE, LOUD TALKERS, LOUD LAUGHTER, LOUD MACHINERY. I RECUSE MYSELF FROM CLUTTER, AS I DISASSEMBLE MY HOME, AND PLACE BOXES AND BUBBLE WRAP IN EVERY ROOM, SO I AM PREPARED TO PACK. I’M DOING BETTER THAN 2018 AND 2019, WHEN I DISASSEMBLED AND REASSEMBLED HOMES 5 TIMES. NOW I FEEL LIKE GIVING IT ALL AWAY, AND LEAVING WITH TWO SUITCASES. THE INCREDIBLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING, A FILM, BUT IT APPLIES TO MY STATE OF MIND. I LOVED COLLECTING EVERY ITEM, BOOK, RECORD, PRINT, BRIC-A-BRAC, AND FURNITURE I CHOSE. AT THAT MOMENT, I LOVED IT. BUT BREAKING UP WITH POSSESSIONS IS LIKE BREAKING A RELATIONSHIP. ITโ€™S TIME, WHEN IT COMES, UNPREPARED, ANXIETY AND APPREHENSION TAKE AWAY SLEEPING SWEETLY AND WAKING UP SMILING. THE PASSAGE FROM ONE ERA TO THE NEXT TAKES WHAT Iโ€™M NOT SURE I HAVE, BUT MUST.

DODGER’S BASEMENT STORAGE.

RELOCATION REALITY


“Young woman sitting on the books and typing, toned image”

The world we are living is not familiar; everyday it erupts with an inconceivable corruption, acts of violence, and viciousness against humanity. It’s not the Italian roast coffee that wakes me up, itโ€™s world news.ย  I feel less and less a part of humanity and more like a wild creature chewing on an old bone. ย My outlook on social clubs, synagogue and church congregations, membership clubs, group classes, and letโ€™s meet up organizing makes a lot of sense now. Especially if you donโ€™t have children or a life mate. The temptation to retreat into a decorous world of fantasy is irresistible. ย Experience taught me that losing it, giving up, hugging the pillow with film noir on the screen will revive me. It may take two days or more, permitting freedom to indulge in the abstract absurdity, tragedy, and comedy of life available to me. Two days are up: six noir films: Sleeping Tiger, Dangerous Crossing, Ruthless, Finger of Guilt, Wicked, and Cast a Dark Shadow. All suspenseful meandering around themes of greed, deception, romance, uneven love, and forgiveness.

Itโ€™s a great big wide wide world if you leave the doors open. Now that the house has sold, I am fortunate that all those years studying real estate and proving myself by placing money in the boss’s pocket, trickled into my life. The first triplex I bought was in 2002, the one that sold, The Follies House. The rent provided income and paid the mortgage. ย For my Gen X and Millennial pals, I say this: buy a duplex somewhere you want to live.

Iโ€™m feeling overwhelmed as I go through this four-story unit and decide what to keep, give away, and sell. Perplexed as I go through boxes of journals dating back to 1996. I assume I won’t live to preview them for new stories, but I sill feel a sense of belonging to them. I have learned after selling a dozen furnishings that once they are gone, it takes about a week to stop lamenting the loss.

GERMANY READERSHIP RISING THANK YOU GERMANY


I posted a column on Sunday, The Mind Hike. When I checked my stats, it was rising like a new sun, and hit a record-breaking 127 views! That has not happened since I published my book in 2017. I did not optimize the column or take any steps to increase readership. Today it is up to 126. Whomever you are, thank you so very much for reading my columns.

MOODY BLUES TUESDAY


           MATISSE

Writing somberly is parallel to writer’s block. It’s not a block, really, more like a resistance to engaging feelings. ย If I place all the options on a puzzle board, this leads to the center. A fractured life impacts emotional posture and is not unlike physical posture. We slump or stand tall. We love instead of neutralizing, we are inspired instead of stagnant, we romance our passions, and we live to love. My heart is at the starting gate to love again, but the racetrack is missing. I’m undercover! I watch Blacklist or some foreign film in the evening. Most weekdays, I’m circulating between finance, selling furnishings online, shoveling snow, and researching acronyms because the news uses them so often.

The vortex of discontent is a punctured life. The windows of my home reflect the splendor of nature that plays all day long in the winter. ย I’m spending more time watching sky stage plays: clouds still, clouds moving, colliding, changing colors, sculpted into aberrations of animals and faces, than cognitive thinking. My collection of records and CDs accompanies the scenery. When I’m sorrowful, I listen to Ennio Morricone; when I need a lift, Vivaldi, Sundays it isย Turandot or some other Opera. When I’m a go-go girl, Swing, Salsa, or The Stones, when I feel alone, Sarah Vaughn, Nancy Wilson, and Etta James, for writing inspiration Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, and Annie Lenox.ย 

      I don’t see any remedy commercials for a fractured heart. By tomorrow, the despair could vanish, like the rain that puddled us for the last two weeks. Everything Iโ€™ve experienced is good in the beginning. So, to begin, I will listen to Begin the Beguine. 

“Begin the Beguine” is a popular song written by Cole Porter. Porter composed the song between Kalabahi, Indonesia, and Fiji during a 1935 Pacific cruise aboard Cunard’s ocean liner Franconia. In October 1935, it was introduced by June Knight in the Broadway musical Jubilee, produced at the Imperial Theater.  

    Henry miller writes in his book, โ€œ Henry Miller on Writingโ€ โ€œWhoever greatly suffers must be, I suppose a sublime combination of a sadist and masochist.โ€™  I suppose that a few of my friends have aligned me as such, and now that I write this, as in all writing, answers blink at you, and then the soul receives them like a wafer of wonder. Perhaps I am, but where that evolved and manifested, I have no time to think about it because the sun is out. I must sit in my newly designed sunroom, a small book library alcove that receives the sun at noon.  When I returned with my phone to snap a photograph, the sun disappeared like a footprint in the sky. Every moment needs attention. It’s twenty degrees outdoors. I am modestly adjusted and receive a thousand weekly warnings to get a flu shot. My doctor has tried persuading me to get a flu shot for three years.  I responded that I’d never had the flu and that my last cold was in 2012. He chuckled and asked the next question. 

WRITING WITH NATURE


In one of my books on writing, I read that most writers face the demon in the middle of the novel. The beginning is a gallop, and the end is a relief, but the middle wiggles in and out of your grasp. The middle of our lives reflects this same obscurity.ย  ย ย 

The middle of a life span reflects all we have accomplished and all we have left incomplete. This is what they call a mid-life crisis. I get it every year. ย Iโ€™ve finally accepted that my constant relocation, reinventing, and restlessness will not be solved. At the bottom of the restlessness is the fear of finding rest more enjoyable than movement. This flotation of comedy rotated around me last night while I stood out on the porch observing the peacefulness. The scenery of this street is a comforting, historical beauty that comes from the harmony of architecture and nature. The flow of villagers downtown is along two main two-lane streets; all the shops, services, and restaurants are a patchwork, and all the business owners know each other. ย 

I chose Sunday to shut down all communication with the mainland, take the longest bath I can stand, and write. I need a rest, like a chaise lounge on a spacious veranda with honeysuckle, wisteria, and lavender.ย  If you are an artist, the limit is not the sky; it’s everywhere. Natureโ€™s artistry is a full-time exhibition in the Northeast. The view now is of tumbling clouds rolling over; they move slowly, like dough, across the road, while squirrels dart about. ย Outdoors is where we see the best of life.


The subject pierced me yesterday morning and came from Anais Nin, a passage in her diary.ย 
โ€œEach friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.โ€
โ€•
Anaรฏs Nin, The Diary of Anaรฏs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934.

ย ย  Today, the first in several months that the atmosphere is ripe with thought, and has brought me back to the writing of the moment. The delivery trucks have not opened their doors, and dropped their ramps, the garbage trucks have already passed, and the traffic is so slight as it is Sunday.

Spring is brushing nature with a varnish of subdued sunshine.ย  I sit at my desk and listen. I hear some cheerful shouting on the sidewalk, a horn breaks the sanctuary, and then a sparrow lands on the terrace, and we watch each other.ย  I breathe deep, close my eyes, and feel my oatmeal breakfast thumping in my belly.

The stream of consciousness is threaded into the deeper blanket of anxiousness. I am in the circle of chaos that seeps into everyday activities. Tempers are flaring, rousing combative street encounters. Business owners and employees are jumping ship everywhere. People are relocating, selling possessions,ย or using succulent lips and breasts to lure men for financial support. We are all edgy.

WINTER’S SERMON ON SOLITUDE


SOLITUDE will always be a puzzle because our lives, solo or mated, are mystified by either too much or not enough solitude.

ย I contest what seems endless solitude with my Irish Russian temper, condemning irritants like: street noise, absence of friends, short-tempered customer service reps, world news, and mindless tasks. The fever dulled after the first ice, rain, and snow, and mindfulness triumphed. I imagined my basement of survival would sink. It did not. There is an inner exploration happening, unfolding like spreading new sheets on my bed, that solitude has befriended me all my life. In the best of times and the tedious. I have to find the frolic and follies in the world that I created. I have to laugh alone so I watch screwball comedies, seek humor of my irregularities; wearing a sweater inside out, pouring coffee into a wine glass for a cocktail, and chuckling up and down the staircase, because I keep forgetting where I left my phone. My head is elsewhere daydreaming.
Iโ€™ve learned how to repair house calamities; unscrew windows, seal up cracks, fix clogged drains, replace air vents, read the meters, and rejuvenate every wood board, handle, chair, and table with Old English Oil. As one pal commented on a visit to the house, ‘ It’s a perfect day for Old English! The winter forecast is blizzardy and full of warnings I havenโ€™t experienced here; and how can I complain when half of Upstate New York is buried in ten feet of snow. The end of the day pleasure comes in the kitchen; my heart and spirit melt while stirring my weekly gumbo, stew, or casserole while listening to Tony Bennett, Nat King Cole, and swing music.
Winter is a funnel that strips the trees and branches and lets us see through the forest and ourselves.

DANCE and, MUSIC AGAINST THE NORDIC BLAST OF WINTER


FROM THE JOURNAL 2025

SUN, a goose-bumpy joy and celebration. Thatโ€™s what I love about my education here: the first class you must take is weather management. Iโ€™ve destroyed dozens of artistic bric a brac by leaving them on the farm table on the porch, forgot to shop for groceries when a storm was approaching, and ran out of salt.   I drove through town, taking photos at the red lights; the scenery is like Little Women, dressed differently but still rather swarthy in their determination to survive. Now some men, probably like the fourth or tenth generation, bear the strength by wearing a T-shirt or shorts.  The other day, after a snowstorm, I noticed a man crossing the street in shorts, a long white beard, and working boots.  Thatโ€™s an EXACT badass around here.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Beguine the Beguine is on the record player, and Iโ€™m swinging around the music room, elated with the energy that forced me to dance, turn off the mind entirely.ย  Total bliss.ย  Dance has been with me since as far back as I can remember, the answer to a mood change, without drugs or alcohol. ย 

UNDERSTANDING UPSTATE NEW YORK


I shot this today with impetuous acceptance of more snow. I swept the stairs, removed branches, listened to music, and smiled. It will be my last winter in this quixotic, charming, historic village that taught me not to complain, instead to make it understandable.

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Janice Sachs

Awhhh. You are so awesome. Merry Christmas Sweetheart.

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Jo Marie Cornell Gallo

Poetic ๐Ÿ’”

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WHICH WAY TO TURN…IF


Sunday thinking: future, plan, prepare, implement. What if I go West, East, North, or South? One at a time. I use it a lot; itโ€™s my mascot, mental disability. If I got over it, I would delete it from wherever it rose.  

It reminds me of Rudyard Kipling’s If Poem. I am fearless one day and fearful the next, a collage of paradoxical thoughts. Emotions are my yellow brick road and also the vouchers of the victim. Iโ€™ve never been an A student of defensive tools; my acquiescence serves my need to be approved, which is so annoying.

I am not going back to childhood experiences; that cathartic tunnel has been examined, and approval and cherishing is the pillow of my contentment.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS


My emotional tail is wagging. Curled up in my desk chair, I feel almost as if I was born in this chair. Itโ€™s cushioned me through a cyclone of adventures in livingness.
This piece of writing was handwritten on a tablet back in late January. Iโ€™ve made some minor additions and deletions. Before submitting to a publisher, the editor I used asked me, โ€œWhy do you keep switching between past and present tense?โ€ I told her I donโ€™t control that until Iโ€™m in final editing. My control over my writing is identical to how I live. Acting on impulse, expanding the mundane into a musical, feasting on all the emotions, and fabricating thorny Walter Mitty encounters. I donโ€™t even think of applying proven methods; I make up new ones.
Back to this plateau of solitude. Love what you have, and especially yourself, with all your flaws. Integrity is more critical; be proud not just for yourself, but because someone out there needs you.

PART TWO: After reading this and while emptying the trash, I was struck by this: the big payback to living as I described is an adaptation to proven methods. I’m learning pragmatic over poetic.

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