RANDOM THOUGHTS


My emotional tail is wagging. Curled up in my desk chair, I feel almost as if I was born in this chair. Itโ€™s cushioned me through a cyclone of adventures in livingness.
This piece of writing was handwritten on a tablet back in late January. Iโ€™ve made some minor additions and deletions. Before submitting to a publisher, the editor I used asked me, โ€œWhy do you keep switching between past and present tense?โ€ I told her I donโ€™t control that until Iโ€™m in final editing. My control over my writing is identical to how I live. Acting on impulse, expanding the mundane into a musical, feasting on all the emotions, and fabricating thorny Walter Mitty encounters. I donโ€™t even think of applying proven methods; I make up new ones.
Back to this plateau of solitude. Love what you have, and especially yourself, with all your flaws. Integrity is more critical; be proud not just for yourself, but because someone out there needs you.

PART TWO: After reading this and while emptying the trash, I was struck by this: the big payback to living as I described is an adaptation to proven methods. I’m learning pragmatic over poetic.

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MOTHER’S


It is my mother’s birthday, so I am thinking of her. If she had been here today, we would have had this conversation.

Mom, I can’t hold up, I’m so beat down.”

” You have to. I know your situation is degrading and frightening, but you don’t have a choice. You have to use all your strength.”

” I wish I was more like you.”

” You are like me, and I know you will overcome.

After our home burned down in the Bel Air fire, my parent’s divorce was in motion. Dad moved to Hollywood, and Mom moved me to Westwood to a studio until she found work. Mom returned to modeling to support us.

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    THINKING?


    ADVENTURES IN

    LIVINGNESS TODAY,

    SEPTEMBER 7, 2024

    Silhouette of sounds: a whispering wind, the freight train blowing the sounds of its coming, Neil Young music, and the flutter of thoughts that sometimes feel like sounds.

    The sky is building into a rainstorm, and watching its manifestation is dramaticโ€”nature in motion. Although there are tasks to be threaded, Iโ€™ve chosen to retire from pesky vacuuming, wood polishing, laundry, unpacking my winter clothes, and preparing for winter. The clothes are trivial to the transformation of light, outdoor porch lounging, and then the trees. When they turn naked as skinned cucumbers or buds without flowers, I think a visceral adaptation occurs in all of us.

    This week unfolded over Dad. The most honorable collector of Mafia artifacts bought some of fatherโ€™s collection. Years ago, I sold them to the Mob Experience for their Museum in Las Vegas (bankrupt), and the owner resold them to Julianโ€™s Estate Sales in Beverly Hills. I viewed the items for sale; imagine your phone book selling for sixteen hundred dollars and an album of photos taken by Dad’s doll in the thirties for, well, I forget the price. Anyway, Avi Bash of the Avi Bash Collection bought what was left. When he wrote to me, I felt immediate relief that he owned these moments Dad had kept all his life. He said,โ€ Let me know if you want to see photos or anything else.โ€ Heโ€™s a prince of a man. That was one slice of the week. When I checked my list today of my crossed-off tasks, it was not too impressive, but sometimes we canโ€™t produce. As I said, Iโ€™m adapting from sunshine and warmth to seasonal change.      

    Digitally, I fixed a few troublesome changes Microsoft made to my documents and feeds.

    Itโ€™s not me of years agoโ€”driven, disciplined, empowered, and confident. Maybe it is not worth thinking about, not for me. I think more than I act these days. Everything we do in life needs revision. We are never through evolving into more thoughtful, loving, or wise human beings. Every day, there is an opportunity to leap into a saintly hood. It is the same with manuscripts; they get better.

        The next adventure in livingness is one I have lived with all my life, moving. I would love to move, even to another part of town.

    The dismantling of things gives me a twisted alignment to my life. The beginning is again: unpacking boxes, meeting new neighbors, sunsets, and cafes. If I am ever to rest in one address, I’m sure it will be a headstone and a plot of dirt. I have chosen to relocate because of an internal destiny.

        These are the ones I know will happen with some certainty. The inner self concerns me and how it jumps from one dream to one nightmare. When I was thirty, I was afraid of getting married; when I was forty, I was scared of not having children. Now that I am seventy-one, I am fighting another fear: the fear of singleness. But Iโ€™ve always been a loner; it just didnโ€™t scare me when I was young.

    The Rain came, Dylan is singing, and Iโ€™m planning risotto pasta for the night.  

    I just finished another Denzel Washington film, Man on Fire. DW is my actor of the week, so I watch all his films. An alert popped up, another mass shooting, this time in Kentucky. I wanted to delete my last column.. It’s not what is breaking me apart; personal threads seem vacuous. What I’m escaping in writing and films are mass shootings and unbearable violence. It’s not one every few months; it’s every day. Yes, cure Cancer and all other physical diseases, BUT CONCENTRATE ON CRIME, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. MENTAL ILLNESS.

    Thoughtful Reflections and Autumn Leaves: An Upstate New York Story


    The leaves, I noticed when I drove out of the driveway a wispy wind and a few leaves blew past my windshield. I don’t think they want to die or hibernate; I don’t want to hibernate; that’s what you do if you are in upstate New York. Even this summer, the porches are empty, and the owners only come out to garden or empty trash. I’m the only one who sits on the wrap-around porch, head perched up to the sky to see what drama she’ll bring.

    Where did we go this summer? Where did you go or do? One friend went to Croatia, another to Finland, and another to Sonoma. I prefer to travel in September, with my crowd cowardice and fear of flying; I’m waiting. Of course, I cannot leave because I am showing the house to prospective buyers. They are all very similar, rave and applause for the house, and their offer is two lines above insulting. Or maybe I am still in my delusional dream that Follies House is worth what I priced her. It is a voyage into the Twilight Zone; I see one house, and they see another.

    Back to the leaves, the fall’s language, movements, and tasks will turn inside out. Soon, the blowers and street cleaners move all those beautifully colored leaves. I leave mine out until my gardener orders me, sweetly, LouLou, it’s time for fall clean up, or you won’t have grass next summer.” I won’t be here next summer, but I don’t say that because we’ve become pals, and he likes to manicure my lawns; I always greet him and George, his helper, and listen to their grievances.

    Beyond the seasonal altercation, like a dress that needs hemming, emotions stop boiling over and seem to simmer. I am still determining where that originates, but I experience it every year as September approaches. Autumn is about awe. I read that somewhere. We slip into the interior chambers of thoughtful reflection, crunching the leaves of our souls for answers to questions.

    I called my pal Jerry because it had been a few weeks since I had spoken to him. We have been friends for many years, but we have absolutely nothing in common. He’s famous for his photographs and films, that’s all I can say. I didn’t ask for his approval as I write this.

    ” Hello,” He sounded drowsy.

    ” Jerry! Did I wake you?”

    ” Yes.”

    “I’m sorry. I’ll call tomorrow.”

    What for I’m awake now. I take naps because I can’t sleep through the night; I close my eyes, think for maybe an hour, fall asleep, and wake again five times in the night. What’s happening with you?”

    ” You are cerebral, so turning off your head would take a bulldozer or something.

    “That’s a little drastic.”What’s happening with the house?”

    ” Showings, repairs, and a few offers that were insulting. I have a question.”

    “Oh no.”

    “What do you do when you don’t know what to do>”

    “I call my attorney.”

    ” For life questions?”

    ” I don’t have any more questions at ninety-six.”

    ” That sounds peaceful.”

    , We sidetracked an upcoming appointment with his doctor about sleep medication.” It’s tomorrow, I don’t feel like going,

    ” So don’t go. I had an appointment this week for a mammogram. That morning, I woke up trembling, panicked, wobbly, and so I called and canceled. When I told the representative I was having a severe panic attack, she laughed and said, I hear that all the time.

    “What’s the mammogram, is that for breast cancer?

    ” Yes.”

    ” What do they do?

    Oh, it’s weird. The nurse takes hold of your breasts, places them between two clamps, and then tells you not to breathe or move while they take an X-ray.

    “What if your breasts are too small?”

    “Ah hah, mine used to be, so they’d tug at them, and it was more painful than the clamps. When I turned seventy-one this year, suddenly they inflated, and I can fill my B cup to the rim.” He was laughing, imagining he had some visual, and that was good. We have better dreams when we sleep with pillow joy.

    “I’m going to go to sleep now>”

    ” I hope you do. I’ll think of more breast stories tomorrow.

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    FRIENDS of FOLLIES


    Saturday, a heavy clog of humidity tries to zap my energy. I slept six hours, so I fight, do laundry, do a bit of weight lifting, go up and down the twenty stairs twelve times, and wander in my mind. I answer the first phone call of the day.

    ” Hi, how are you? ?” I pause to answer with some amusing honesty.

    ” I’m cleaning my brain?

    ” How do you do that? You’re funny.”

    ” “I sweep away all the repetitive scary thoughts.”

    What about you? My friend sighed and then zigzagged into her struggles, taking care of her ninety-six-year-old mother, who does not speak English; my friend is Armenian. She works full-time as a court translator, has two children, a husband, and about fifty friends she continually connects to.

    You are four people in one. I don’t know how you do it?” Is your Mom still living with you?”

    Yes, she can’t walk. She sleeps in the living room because the bedrooms are upstairs. It’s difficult. I have to feed her as she’s now refusing to eat.”

    ” Please try and get a nurse’s aide to come in and help you.”

    “She won’t let anyone touch her but me.”

    “I find that selfish, not to be critical, but you will wear yourself down.”

    ” She’s always been like that; in my culture, you never abandon a parent, no matter what. Her mind is sharp, so that is good.

    ” Heaven isn’t good enough for you,” she chuckled. I often improvise to be amusing because her laughter is boisterous, and we all need more injections of humor.

    ” Have you decided where to move when it sells?” She asked again.

    ” Yes, I was looking at my book on Italy, all the different regions, and I think Anacapri is a good choice.”

    ” Oh, Greta… that is so expensive; what are you thinking?”

    “I’m not thinking I’m daydreaming.”

    ” I have an idea for you. There is a new trend, something like Boomermates, a group of people who share a house, and you don’t have to sign a lease. Go look in San Diego and find something.

    “Roommates, strangers, you mean?”

    “Yes, why not?”

    ” Would you do that?”

    ” Probably not. A studio anywhere in San Diego is two thousand at least, and don’t use the proceeds from the house.

    “Now you’re daydreaming. I’ll have to use some without the rental income until I find employment. Are you home now?”

    “No, I’m driving to San Diego for a court appointment

    “It’s what, six in the morning?

    “Yes, I wake up at five.”

    ” Every time I come here, I think of you. You were a great leasing agent. You leased about fifty of my units. You can get a job leasing in a nice project. Oh, you should have bought that unit. I remember G4 when we converted to condominiums.

    “Yes, you’ve told me that a hundred times.”

    ” I made the same mistake. What can you do?”

    ” Complain and then accept what you can’t accept. Like selling my home.” I went through my steamer trunk and found my marketing portfolio when I opened Follies as an artist retreat. It was nonstop theatrics. One time, I hosted a theater group of six young actors; they were so much fun. Ah, memories.

    ” You will make it; look what you accomplished, winning a foreclosure, Greta; that is something big.”

    ” So is my glass of wine.”

    “I’d be doing the same in your situation.”

    ” Another showing, a really nice family. They’ll make an offer. They commented that the exterior paint is their issue, so did I tell you already? I found a marvelous painter from Albania, and he’s given me a very reasonable price to paint the entrance, balisters, and overhang. You know that curb appeal is critical.”

    ” You shouldn’t spend your money, Greta, how much?”

    ” Three thousand, and it’s a lot of scraping and ladder work. It’s the right decision if I may disagree with my real estate guru.”

    ” That is reasonable. Keep me posted. I’m in San Diego now, so I will speak to you soon.”

    ” Heaven isn’t good enough for you.” And I’m leaving Follies in the best I can because she was so good to me.

    RELOCATION BEGINS WITH BOOKS


    May 22, 2024

    I read some older columns on singleness from times when I was alone and still friends with Dodger. Now, the pattern is unthreaded. There is no intertwinement of intimate conversations with a man, guidance, indulgences, or frolicking like children. When I see couples dining or walking hand in hand in the village, the vision snaps me into memories. The past lurks like a shadow, an overture to the present. Stream of consciousness, that translucence of mind that can drift like a leaf in the wind, is out of reach, so I donโ€™t even attempt to reach for it. Acceptance of this interlude is permitted, as my mind is impregnated with a new canvas: relocation, standing in lines, driving the freeways, a city life that was once as natural to me as breathing feels like a complete revival. Employment, straightening my team playing skill set, working on deadlines, and finding excuses to get out of my chair away from the computer. Working in an art gallery is the only option besides being a remote writer.  

    Today, as I attempt to make strategic, methodical decisions and edit my resume, the yellow line appears that separates the present from the future. Can I navigate a city confidentially, decisively, and with discipline? In the village, those skills sleepwalk effortlessly. I have a punishing skill for avoiding reality.

    I have packed most of my books, vacillated on their importance several times to eliminate the load. I chose ten to give away, Last night on the phone with Jerry, I mentioned parting with my books.

    โ€œ Why are you keeping them? I assume youโ€™ve read them.โ€

    ” No, I have a lot of photography books I’ haven’t opened once.

    โ€œ So,  keep those.

    ” I want all my favorite authors, some read, some not. I can’t let them go.– Don’t laugh, but they are my friends, in an abstract way, of course,” Jerry chuckled.

    This morning, I kneeled and took another serious examination; no remains the answer. I’ve sold some of my favorite furnishings and artwork, so I made the strategic decision that my books are for keeps.

    SATISFYING PRINT ON AL SMILEY AT LAST: IN JEWISH POST & NEWS


    April 6, 2015

    Former Winnipegger Al Smiley had a close association with โ€œBugsyโ€ Siegel

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    Al Smiley

    By MARTIN ZEILIG
    On the evening of June 20, 1947, less than six months after he opened the Flamingo Hotel-Casino in Las Vegas, Ben โ€œBugsyโ€ Siegel died in a barrage of bullets through the front windows while sitting on a couch in his Beverly Hills mansion at 810 Linden Drive. Assassinated at the age of 41, Siegel was one of the USAโ€™s most notorious gangsters.
    A former Winnipegger, Al Smiley (1907-1984) was with Siegel that evening.
    โ€œMy dad was seated inches away from Siegel, on the sofa, and took three bullets through the sleeve of his jacket,โ€ said Luellen Smiley, a creative non-fiction writer, award-winning newspaper columnist, and Mob historian who lives in Sante Fe, New Mexico.
    She consented to an interview with The Jewish Post & News earlier this winter.
    โ€œHe was brought in as a suspect. His photograph was in all the newspapers,โ€ said Luellen.
    โ€œHe was the only nonfamily member who had the guts to go to the funeral.โ€
    So who was Al Smiley?
    Born in Kiev, Ukraine in 1907 as Aaron Smehoff, Smiley and his family โ€“ father Hyman, mother Anne, sister Gertrude (who became a school teacher and lived in Winnipeg until her death many decades later), brothers Samuel and Benjamin โ€“ immigrated to Winnipeg when he was five, said Luellen Smiley, during a recent telephone interview with this reporter from her home in Sante Fe, New Mexico.
    โ€œMy grandfather was a kosher butcher and delicatessen owner,โ€ she continued, noting that the family home and butcher shop was located at 347 Aberdeen Avenue.
    โ€œHe maintained an Orthodox household and expected that his eldest son would become a rabbi. But, my father was rebellious and interested in sports, especially hockey.โ€
    This caused conflict between the willful youth and his rigid, religious father.
    So, the teenager fled Winnipeg for greener pastures in Detroit, Michigan via Windsor, Ontario in 1923.
    He got a job travelling with the Ringling Brothers Circus and ended up in California where he was arrested for a drugstore robbery in San Francisco and sent to Preston Reformatory School in Ione, California, Luellen noted.
    โ€œIt was there that he met legendary movie director Cecil B. DeMille,โ€ she said.
    โ€œHe was doing some sort of research for a movie. My father asked him for a job in the movie industry upon his release, and DeMille agreed. He found my dad work in a wardrobe department.
    He later became a property man, then a grip, the person in charge of production on a set, and eventually a producer.โ€
    He befriended celebrities like George Raft, Eddie Cantor, Clark Gable, Lauren Bacall, along with such gangster associates as Ben Siegel.
    โ€œIโ€™m pretty sure Dad met Ben through George Raft,โ€ Luellen Smiley speculated.
    With Siegelโ€™s help he opened a nightclub in L.A. sometime in the late 1930s.
    Smiley would later tell his daughter that Siegel was โ€œthe best friend I ever had.โ€
    In her soon-to-published memoir, excerpts of which she agreed to let this newspaper print, Luellen Smiley reveals the conflicted feelings she had growing up, and into later life too, about her father:
    โ€œSome children are silenced. The pretense is protection against people and events more powerful than them. As the daughter of Allen Smiley, associate and friend to Benjamin โ€˜Bugsyโ€™ Siegel, I was raised in a family of secrets.
    โ€œMy father is not a household name like Siegel, partly because he wore a disguise, a veneer of respectability that fooled most. It did not fool the government.
    โ€œWhen I was exposed to the truth by way of a book, I kept the secret, too. I was 13. My parents divorced, and five years later, my mother died. In 1966, I went to live with my father in Hollywood. I was forbidden to talk about our life: โ€˜Donโ€™t discuss our family business with anyone, and listen very carefully to what I say from now on!โ€™ But one night, he asked me to come into his room and he told me the story of the night Ben was murdered.
    โ€œWhen I was spared death, I made a vow to do everything in my power to reform, so that I could one day marry your mother.
    โ€œBen was the best friend I ever had. Youโ€™re going to hear a lot of things about him in your life. Just remember what I am telling you; heโ€™d take a bullet for a friend.
    โ€œAfter my father died, I remained silent, to avoid shame, embarrassment and questions. But 10 years later, in 1994, when I turned 40, I cracked the silence. I read every book in print โ€“ and out of print โ€“ about the Mafia. Allen Smiley was in dozens. He was a Russian Jew, a criminal, Bugsyโ€™s right-hand man, a dope peddler, pimp, a racetrack tout. I held close the memory of a benevolent father, wise counselor, and a man who worshipped me.
    โ€œI made a Freedom of Information Act request and obtained his government files. The Immigration and Naturalization Service claimed he was one of the most dangerous criminals in the country. They said he was Benjamin Siegelโ€™s assistant. They said he was poised to take over the rackets in Los Angeles. He didnโ€™t; he sold out his interest in the Flamingo, and he went to Houston to strike oil. I put the file away, and looked into the window of truth. How much more could I bear to hear?
    โ€œHe stowed away to America at 16, and was eventually doggedly pursued for never having registered as an alien. He had multiple arrests โ€“ including one for bookmaking in 1944, and another for slicing off part of the actor John Hallโ€™s nose in a fracas at Tommy Dorseyโ€™s apartment. He met my mother, Lucille Casey, at the Copacabana nightclub in 1943. She was onstage, dancing for $75 a week, and my father was in the audience, seated with Copa owner and mob boss Frank Costello.
    โ€œโ€˜I took one look, and I knew it was her,โ€™ was all he had told me on many occasions.
    โ€œOn a trip to the Museum of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences in Los Angeles, I was handed a large perfectly pristine manila envelope, and a pair of latex gloves with which to handle the file. Inside were black and white glossy MGM studio photographs, press releases, and biographies of my motherโ€™s career in film, including roles in โ€˜The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,โ€™ โ€˜Ziegfeld Follies of 1946,โ€™ โ€˜Meet Me in St. Louisโ€™ and โ€˜Harvey Girls.โ€™ She was written up in the columns, where later my father was identified as a โ€˜sportsman.โ€™ The woman who pressed my clothes, washed my hair, and made my tuna sandwiches was an actress dancing in Judy Garland musicals, while her own life was draped with film noir drama.
    โ€œMy father wooed her, and after an MGM producer gave her an audition, he helped arrange for her and her family to move to Beverly Hills, where she had steady film work for five years. He was busy helping Siegel expand the Western Front of the Costello crime family and opening the Flamingo casino in Las Vegas. They were engaged in 1946.
    โ€œStill, the blank pages of my motherโ€™s life did not begin to fill in until I met R.J. Gray. He found me through my newspaper column, โ€˜Smileyโ€™s Dice.โ€™
    โ€œOne day last year, R.J. sent me a book, โ€˜Images of America: The Copacabana,โ€™ by Kristin Baggelaar. There was my mother, captioned a โ€˜Copa-beauty.โ€™ Kristin organized a Copa reunion in New York last September. I went in place of my mother, but all day I felt as if she was seated next to me. I fell asleep that night staring out the hotel window, feeling a part of Manhattan history.
    โ€œNow, the silence is over. I donโ€™t hesitate to answer questions about my family. I have photographs of Ben Siegel in my home in Santa Fe, NM, just as my father did. Every few months I get e-mails from distant friends, or people who knew my dad.
    โ€œIt seems there is no end to the stories surrounding Ben and Al. I am not looking for closure. Iโ€™ve become too attached to the story. To me, he was a benevolent father, a wise counselor, and a man who worshipped me.โ€
    Luellen Smiley can be contacted via email: folliesls@aol.com

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    FATHER’S DAY


    HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL MY FATHERLY READERS, FRIENDS AND THE ONES RESTING IN PEACE… OR GAMBLING.

    UNTOLD READS.COM, THANK YOU!


    JOCKEYS & SARATOGA SPRINGS NEW YORK RACE TRACK


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         After several summers in Saratoga Springs, I discovered I loved thoroughbred horseracing. All my life Iโ€™ve been a performing arts spectator. I never watched any sports on television and only attended baseball games when my father needed a companion. The art of performance led me to experience the racetrack as live theater.

         The racetrack is a stage, the jockeys are the actors, and the men and women that fill the bleachers, the picnic grounds, the Turf Club, and the private boxes are the audience. The racehorse is the star celebrity.

         The tickets for admission, like any show, are based on your seating. You can walk through the gates for $3.00 or buy a box for $100,000 a year. The collage of human emotions, drama, suspense, and danger are key components to good theater.

         Gambling personifies the Shakespearean twist of the racetrack. High rollers and drugstore cowboys wager to win. Some men walk out with a grocery cart of recycled cans; some walk out with enough money to buy a racehorse. They leave by the same gate, and the next day, they return for more. But why, I ask, is thoroughbred racing not considered an all-around American sport? Why donโ€™t jockeys get athletic respect? These two spheres of lightning truth struck me while I trampled through the mud one rainy August day at Saratoga Racetrack.

    I asked around for opinions. The Governorโ€™s bodyguard remarked that it was a good question. He did not think gambling was the reason because people always bet on sports. He thought maybe that it was because, as kids, we donโ€™t learn to race horses, like baseball and football. The public is naรฏve about jockeys because they have never raced. Another answer I heard was that 200,000 fans fill a ballgame on any given day and that those numbers donโ€™t compare with horseracing.

         Iโ€™m not a gambler,  and I donโ€™t ride very well, but I am a drama whore. I took my notebook to the jocksโ€™ room to ask the jockeys what they thought about this irregularity in sports. Jose Santos had a few minutes to spare.

         โ€œJose, do you feel like America thinks of you as an athlete?โ€

         โ€œWe donโ€™t get the respect that we should. I think itโ€™s the gambling. This is the greatest racetrack in America, and there is gambling in every sport, but when you come to the track, you see it right there, and people cannot avoid it. Pound for pound, we are more fit than most athletes.โ€

         I asked Jose what he does aside from riding. He jogs three miles every day and walks for a mile. He reminded me that if he goes down with the horse, his strength is what gets him back up again. Another misconception is that jockeys only ride for 2 minutes. Well, the race is 2 minutes, but they ride every day of the year. They do not take breaks.

         โ€œHow does the public perceive you?โ€ I asked.

         โ€œIn Europe, they are treated like movie stars. Over here the jockey is just another person, and in sports, the jockey is low. I wish we had more respect, but we donโ€™t get the publicity.โ€

         This feels like the guts of the truth; our little minds like to align with other like minds. The leaders of the pack go to football and baseball, and the media follows behind.

         Jose remarked that he only felt real enthusiasm and support when he won the Triple Crown. Otherwise, they get a little column in the paper with the results. โ€œThe Racing Form is 100 pages, and nothing is written about us.โ€

         โ€œWhat if there was a Jockey Magazine?โ€

         โ€œWell, that would be great. Then, the companies would be interested, and weโ€™d get sponsors. When I go out to the park and run, I wear Nikes too.โ€ He chuckled.

        โ€œHave they ever approached you for sponsorship?โ€

        โ€œNo, I donโ€™t expect they will.โ€

     A few days later, I found Jerry Bailey before a race. It was a cinch to get into the jocksโ€™ room in those days. That was before Elliott Spitzer sipped all the fizz out of Saratoga Race Track. These days the Press canโ€™t walk inside the Jocksโ€™ room.  Jerry hopped onto a counter and extended his hand.

    โ€œHow are you?โ€

    โ€œGreat, Jerry, thank you for meeting me.โ€

    โ€œSure.โ€

    โ€œJerry, Iโ€™m very interested in the lack of sports sponsorship offered jockeys. Why do you think that is?

    โ€œBecause no one is promoting us.  If you donโ€™t do anything to promote us, how does anyone know? They have bobbleheads and gimmicks like that, but there isnโ€™t even a Jockey Calendar. Excuse me now; Iโ€™ve got to ride a race.โ€

     Of all the risk-takers and entrepreneurs in the world, horse racing is the champion in all categories. If I decided to understand the business,  attend every race, meet every owner, jockey, and trainer, thereโ€™s no chance Iโ€™d understand anything more because I do not love the horse the way a jockey does, and you canโ€™t fool the horse!

       During the Hall of Fame Induction presentation at Saratoga a few years back, D. Wayne Lucas made a speech that drew a full house of gregarious applause. This is an excerpt:

     โ€œYou ride a great horse, and the owner wakes up the next day and decides to switch to Bailey. The adversity is gut-wrenching, bringing you to your knees and humbling, whether youโ€™re a rider, trainer, owner, or breeder. Thereโ€™s one thing that will keep you going, and that is simply your attitude. Attitude is the most important decision you make every day. Make it early, and make sure you make the right one. You will have a very full and very peaceful life.โ€

     Maybe itโ€™s time for a Jocks Nike, call it the Two Minute Nike. 

    ย ย 

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        SWIMMING WITH GANGSTERS


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        Ella blew out tunes like a smoke stack, and her face drew more sweat with each soulful sound. By the second song, the sweat was pouring down her face and into that gorge like cleavage that heaved with each breath.ย  I was a child and didnโ€™t understand the emotions that distorted her eyes and mouth. Ella, crowned by a sizzling hot spotlight overhead, transmitted every flaw and feeling on her face.ย  ย I hadnโ€™t seen a singer suffer before. I looked up at my mother and started crying.

        โ€œ Whatโ€™s wrong sweetheart?โ€

        โ€œ Iโ€™m afraid sheโ€™s going to die.โ€

        My mother whispered assurances that Ella was not going to die.ย  I kept crying. She then excused us from our table and I followed her into the Powder Room.ย  She sat me on a chaise lounge and wiped my tears.ย  The expansiveness of the Powder room, compared to the ones today, was like being in someoneโ€™s bedroom. Soft cushioned chairs, a long dressing table speckled with ashtrays, perfumes, and miniature toiletries. We stayed there until Ella finished her show. Mom didnโ€™t show her disappointment, she rarely showed despairing emotions, or caused me to feel ashamed of my behavior. Looking back fifty years later, Iโ€™m reminded of my motherโ€™s selflessness and how a legend can drop down your path, and you donโ€™t even know it.

        Again, looking back fifty years later, my succession of travel diaries is dim by comparison to the Vegas memories.ย  Swirling amongst the รฉlan of prohibition era abandonment, gangsters were the Rothschilds, the royalty of the scene, and the non-members loved it. Thatโ€™s why the women behaved Roaring Twenties ZaZu Pitts and Louise Brooks emancipated. Everyone was free of their wrappings an0287_0019(small) ENTRATTER & SINATRAd responsibilities. They were partying with the men theyโ€™d first met on screen, played by Bogart, Robinson, and Cagney. I remember them now as being childlike. The outsiders may have been living the childhood stolen by WWII and the Depression. Their veiled heroes were gangsters whoโ€™d been breaking the rules since being ripped from their motherโ€™s breast.

        Then, one day the in 1963, the Rat Pack landed in Vegas, wearing black Tuxedos and intercepted the publicโ€™s fancy imitations of living vicariously. ย Joey Bishop, Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis, and Frank Sinatra invited Vegas to drink, make love, and gamble. And they did. If you find anyone over seventy in Vegas today, ask them about the Rat Pack, Johnny Roselli, or Jack Entratter, and youโ€™ll know Iโ€™m not exaggerating. Vegas was the time of their lives. The drugs were minor, an upper or a downer to sleep, but no one came to Vegas to OD or commit suicide.ย  The deaths were in the desert, between the gangstersโ€™. This was all before Tony Spilotro got wheels on his greed and went speeding into his own death.ย  TO BE CONTINUEDAT THE COPA ROOM

        AT THE COPA ROOM

        ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  WW11 SURVIVOR’S VOW TO GOD ย 

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        Part Two.   Solana Beach Morrocan Bungalow 2003. Maurice was 84

                    Maurice married the love of his life on December 25, 1941. They married in December because Maurice had saved one thousand dollars and made one hundred dollars a month. Agnes, his girlfriend in Grant, Iowa, is the woman who led Maurice out to Rancho Santa Fe, California, from his home in Grant. She and her father worked for Ronald McDonald, a prestigious resident in the ranch. She was responsible for housekeeping and cooking, and her father was the chauffeur.  

                    Agnes and Maurice went to the US Grant Hotel for dinner and stayed at the Paris Inn on Kettner Avenue in San Diego.  The following day Agnes went off to work. Maurice stayed in the little guest house she occupied on the McDonald property. Two days later Maurice received his draft notice.  On December 31, he left his new bride and reported for duty in Escondido.   He had one short visit before he left for overseas.  Then, the next time he would see her, he would be changed. 

                    Buna

                    One summer evening, I was sitting on Mauriceโ€™s front porch.  Sometimes, we would sit out till after eight oโ€™clock at night talking about different parts of Mauriceโ€™s life. Maurice is really busy in the summer; he tends to his garden of fruits and vegetables, he delivers furniture for all the Cedros merchants, and he helps his friends.  He never seems tired, he likes to sit on the porch, have a beer, and tell stories. I used to like it when my father told me stories, but they were unlike Maurice’s. There didn’t seem to be anything he

        couldnโ€™t talk about. Once he said,  ” You can ask me anything you want.โ€

                    โ€œMaurice, how old were you when you were drafted?โ€

                    โ€œWell, I was thirty-one years old in 1941 when the war broke out. I had to leave my wife, which bothered me, but I wanted to go overseas and fight for my country. There were so many nice soldiers, the best people in the world.  I recall two boys from Chicago that were only eighteen years old, they lied to get in the service, and they were the best soldiers you ever saw- they werenโ€™t afraid of anything.โ€

                    โ€œWhere did they send you after you left San Diego?โ€

                    โ€œWell, first, I went to Camp Roberts for thirteen weeks of training, but I got out in nine weeks. Then they sent me to Fort Ord to get my gear, rifles, and clothes.  We left San Francisco on April 21, 1942.  We got into Adelaide, Australia, after twenty-one days at sea.”  Maurice paused like he had to catch his breath. I watched his face, thinking he may want to stop.

                    โ€œYou remember so much… Do you mind talking about it?โ€ I asked.

                    โ€œNo, I don’t mind; it changed my life, everything about it.โ€

                     โ€œWhere did they send you after that?โ€

                    โ€œWe trained for a while in Adelaide; the people in Australia were so happy to see us.  I remember they met us at the beach with tea and cookies. The enemy soldiers were getting close.  We went up the coast to New Guinea and into Port Moresby; we got there on Thanksgiving Day 1942. As soon as we got off the ship, the bombs hit us; it was the hundredth raid that night. The next morning we were supposed to get to the Stanley

        Mountain range, we were in such a hurry. The Japanese soldiers built cement pillboxes and the army wanted us there. So we got in this plane, and they flew us there. Twenty-one at a time.      When I got to the island of Buna, there were dead soldiers scattered all over the beach.  We lost men so fast.  Then, on Christmas Day of 1942, General McArthur ordered us to advance, regardless of the cost of lives.  My division was one of the first to stop the Japanese army, the 32nd Division. After we were immobilized and a lot of our men killed, they sent in the 41st Division to take over.โ€

                     Maurice’s memory was like listening to a documentary, and this was the first time a Veteran confided in me.  They didn’t get supplies at first; they had to wait till everything was shipped to Europe. They got what was left over, which wasn’t much. He ate cocoanut bark for two weeks and had no water.

                    โ€œI can remember so well the first Japanese soldier  I saw. He was sneaking through the jungle, only thirty feet off.  I donโ€™t know if I shot him, but he dropped.  I donโ€™t like to think I killed anyone, and it bothers me to this day that I had to kill. The Japanese were good soldiers; they had better ammunition than us.  We fought all day, and we always ran out of ammunition before they did. Iโ€™ll never forget Christmas Day of 1942.  We went into a trench to get ahead; the fellow ahead of me was cut wide open, and the guy behind was shot.  I just lay there on the ground. If you moved you’d be shot. It was so bad; I lay there all day and night. โ€

                    โ€œDid you think you were going to die?โ€

                    โ€œI didnโ€™t let myself think that.  I promised God that if I ever got out alive I’d never complain about anything in my life again. Nothingโ€ฆ nothing could be worse than that day.” 

                    โ€œYou kept the promise, didnโ€™t you?โ€ I asked.

                    โ€œYes, I have.โ€

                    โ€œAnd thatโ€™s why the war changed your life?โ€ I said.

                    โ€œThatโ€™s right. Every day is a beautiful day after you’ve lived through war, at least for me,” he said.        

        Excerpt from manuscript.  All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyright herein may be reproduced without the author’s prior written permission.