when THEY Leave

May 3, 2013May 3, 2013 ~ LouLou ~ Leave a comment

I do remember what they gave me. THE MEN always bring something you didn’t have before. LOVE THEM

SPREAD OF JOY

April 30, 2013 ~ LouLou ~ Leave a comment

When the joy rises let it fly to the ones who
are in need. May be the UPS man, the
grocery clerk, or a neighbor.

BOSTON BOMBS BACK

April 20, 2013April 20, 2013 ~ LouLou ~ 2 Comments

IMAGINE, if you were in Boston
On the day of the flare
and it fired your daughter
and you dived in the dare
Hell rises
and heaven opens
the souls are not lost
they are moments to bare
BOSTON, is the angel
that brought the fire to lair.

WHY I LOVE MEN

October 28, 2012October 28, 2012 ~ LouLou ~ 1 Comment

Why I love men Part 3

I think of men as the solid substance in my life; the ones I’ve loved have always

acted as guidance counselors to my wavering fluid steps through the maze of decisions. If you’re a dreamer like I am, you know what I am talking about. We live in a blurred world of reality and what we imagine and the lines are blurry. It’s easy to cross-over to imagination and where that leads us can be more dangerous than the actual occurrence of events.

WHY I LOVE MEN

October 9, 2012October 13, 2012 ~ LouLou ~ Leave a comment

Once again after a lengthy and gushing nourishment of his body and mind, I return to this mask of myself. Sunken eyes and droopy cheeks; a hollowness that overwhelms the spirit.

The insomnia of separation from a man’s thunder. When his shoulder hooks my head, and tweaks my worries like soft bread. The mind that directs me when I am driving directionless, and maps my journey, and to walk beside me, a guardian of my fragility. The voice that encourages me, and applauds my success, rather than let it drip from jealously or preoccupation.

More to come.

How the laughter erupts in a moment of spontaneous passion.

My observation of his secret revealed, unknowingly.

The gestures of him shaving, and the modest vanity after I re-wardrobe him.

Feeling his eyes in a crowd, undressing or admiring me, for some folly or expression.

The humor he finds in my misguided attempts to open bottles, and packages with a dull spoon,

and figure out electronics.

How he will pardon and pamper my unwarranted fears of stalkers, misplacing my Progressive Prada glasses, and falling down the slippery wooden stairs.

The man whose balance evens my wrinkles.

Let’s the light into my eyes.

Opens my shell with wonder and tenderness.

WHY I write this is because the danger of reversing the purest form of love is tempting me. This dragon argues with me for dressing up, for believing in love, for wanting romance, for giving the guy next to me a chance, and for dating. She tries to stop me from waving at neighbors, for whistling winds of change, hope, and all those iridescent rainbows I lived with my man, and now are like submarine weights to lift each day.

It’s like taking down the Christmas Ornaments, and returning to the blemishes of winter.

Yes, the dragon sees me in the mirror, and maybe you, but we cannot allow her to trample over our feminine skin.

DIARY TO DIARY

October 8, 2012 ~ LouLou ~ 1 Comment

I appreciated him coming back to look after me while I was temporarily flattened by a silly back spasm. I know that he would have preferred staying in Taos with his new lover. I also know the feeling of being split in two-known it for two and half years when I was with John. Sometimes I felt like Anais Nin who had a husband, she didn’t sleep with but who supported her writing, and then accepted her lovers like Henry Miller, Gonzalez, and Durrell.

That mixes up the cocktail of love so at one moment, you know whom you love, and whom you want to be with, and the next day, it is all clouded, opaque and vague as a dirty olive martini. It is frustrating to know that my love for Rudy is bygone for what we both need now. Sometimes, it just crushes me in the knees and I beg for answers. He is sheltering me from the truth, but I know the new woman in his life could be serious. I know that, because I know him so very well. I am prepared; at least I’ve faced the insertion of someone else in his life, who will encapsulate his time and thoughts. If only I had the motivation to script this, or book write it, because it is, extraordinarily unique. It divides the weak from the strong when it comes to love. Nothing ruins a man more than love, and I mean woman too. It is the one force in our life that can leave us heartless or make us heartwarming.

When life imitates art; I’ve read the diaries of Anais Nin so often, they must have invited themselves into my life.

A MAN AND A WOMAN

August 12, 2012 ~ LouLou ~ 1 Comment

THE PAIN A MAN FEELS WHEN TAKEN FOR HIS MONEY, IS Equal to a woman taken for her sexual pleasure, and nothing else.

MOTHER’S DIARY

May 12, 2012 ~ LouLou ~ Leave a comment

MOTHER’S DIARY.

LEVON HELM DIED… DID ANYONE KNOW THAT

May 4, 2012 ~ LouLou ~ 1 Comment

I have this greatest love for The Band.. brought on by a listen when I was about seventeen.

My two best friends, Lizzie and Billy. Billy played the guitar, from Tulsa, so he got it, and his sister Lizzie sang.

I sat crossed legged in her English boudoir bedroom in Bel Air, and knew they were the musical advisories. I never may have known the Band if it wasn’t for them.

How come no one has spoken about Levon? Are we too obsessed with mediocrity? How did our tastes vanish into

CNN.

Now it’s the Kardasian, whatever her name is. Who cares. Why? What happened to us?

I loved you Levon. I love you The Band. It breaks my heart.

LOVERS IN YOUR LIFE

April 8, 2012April 9, 2012 ~ LouLou ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes I skim through the works in progress folder and stumble upon something I never finished. This is from that folder, started in 2004.

They make the best friends, and you never have to wonder what it’s like to make love to them… lovers from the past are not forgotten, and if they are, then they were not true loves, they were just flings. In my life, lovers have remained in my heart in a separate compartment, just as their letters, and photographs and mementos are kept in separate stationary boxes in my trunk.

Some lovers keep in touch with me, and others vanished after the break-up. Last month two former lovers contacted me. One from 1977, and one in 1984. I have always said one man is not enough; I need three or four circulating my life. Even if I was married, my mantra of ‘the more men the better’ would not be negotiable, and today, that holds true. I’ve been advised by Rudy, that men will read this and assume that I am intimate with my men friends; and I said not all men will, and he said, oh yea, that’s how men think.

This is a story of lovers reuniting, in different cities than where they met, older, refined in sentiment, and loved in a capacity greater than they once were, as lovers. To be continued.