Tag: Life
GUEST POEM BY SOARING CROW
“Message in a Bottle”
ADVENTURES WITH THE TIDE OF THE THINKER
Audrey. Photograph By Edward Quinn
I asked the sky to send the Thinker.ย Then itย rained in southwest furry,ย small
white knots of hail and dark feuding winds. The thinker heard and whistled to me. It was a sweet flutist tone, and he appeared in black and grey, the silver lining of his head like a crown of light. Flashing the boyish grin, he opened his wrestling toned-warm fins to my goose bumpy arms, and I swam along side tentatively. Even though it was my chime, I was unsteady, unwilling to climb on his back, so we swam on our toes, around my house, and the Plaza. We battled sharks from Beverly Hills, whose fins were frozen from love and kindness; we faced one of our own school, who would not lend a dollar on good faith and loyalty for their Merlot Cabernet fish oil, and we strung pearls around each other necks, with a clasp that is easily unhooked. The current drove us through three more days of rowing backward, sleeping quietly without intertwinement, and meeting as friends instead of lovers.
The absence of touch, struck like a lightning storm. I didnโt see it coming, and I may be wrong. To read the Thinker is to understand his language; a circumcision of predictability, logic, or reasoning. Like a tsunami, uncharitable waves of enlightenment he doesnโt even understand drown his soul.
I understood that he airbrushed my appearance, and dropped deep into my eyes as they widened for him. I blushed before he engulfed me, and pressed my undertow.
If tonight was the last swim because of a storm I didnโt see coming, or understand. It is because my eyes blurred by his presence.
The tide goes out, but it always come back. Sometimes it touches where we left off.
PART TWO OF ADVENTURES IN LIVINGNESS
On shore the land felt liquefied and unfamiliar without the sensual spark swimming along side me.ย The leaves glistened above my head, like golden gems you’d wear on a necklace. The Santa Fe river sang its song over rocks, branches and brush, while white butterflies and birds fluttered an awakening.ย I passed cafes, watched couples and families luxuriating in the sunlight, Canyon road art hawkers snapped photos, gallery owners chatted on the courtyards.
The stage of comfort as picturesque as a postcard.ย I was outside the activity.ย I rushed home, passing people who walked as if lost, and shoes stuck in tar.ย Thoughts trotted like ponies all going in different directions. No path had an answer, or a reason, or an understanding of our endearment.ย
The Thinker swims close by. Sometimes I feel him soaring past me, glancing for a moment, then he’s gone. The house is quiet, doors and shades closed. My nakedness is wrapped in blankets and the aroma of pumpkin spice from a candle.ย My stage is empty, no audience ofย any sort. These areย the moments when examination of behavior, discipline, and self-honesty rise aboveย the solitude.ย A woman of lovers rather than husbands, beckons my heart to open to the odyssey ofย love.
I appreciate all the new followers from the THE THINKER story. Thank you for
your comments and hope you return for more.ย ย
ADVENTURES IN LIVINGNESS
The throw of the dice this week lands on the tip of the diving board. The pool was serene and powdery blue and I was enticed by the sensual shift of waves and sunlight. ย I took a leaping dive off and swam for eight weeks.
Beneath the surface glaze I held my breath and when I opened my eyes there was a man sitting on a rock, posed as The thinker. I asked him what he was thinking and he said, ‘the universe brought me to you.

I shimmied at this rhetoric of mysticism and then suddenly, he swam towards me and wrapped me around his back. I held on to strong neck and ran my fingers through his mane of hair. We floated away beneath the weight of reality,ย beyond limits and caution.ย Weย swam towards the underbelly of Santa Fe. All kinds of sharks, sweet dolphins, brainy lobsters, wondrous whalesย and tasty little shrimps.ย We swam with them in a pack and chided their gossip and questions.ย ย Swimming with the underworld fascinated me and I hung on as we passed through darkness and luring beasts of prey.
Soon we were alone again and fondling; almost oneย from head to toe. My breath sieged into his and we swam through layers of fantasia.ย ย Suddenly he leaped forward andย couldn’t hold on.ย I was dropped off on a rock that splintered my skin. I watched as he soared above me and waited for his return.ย I was so cold that my eyes blurred and shut.ย When I opened them a lazer like light appeared in the distance and pulled me up to the surface. My arms wrapped around the raft and familiar hands took hold of mine. Friends paddled me to the shore. I can’t seeย the Thinker anymore but I see him in the memory; swimming towardsย uncertain adventures in livingness.
I S
RUMINATING ON RELATIONSHIPS

Bob and Baez-JIM MARSHALL
He was going to keep me warm this winter. Toggle behind me in his overcoat and boots, makingย sure I didnโt slip on ice, or chop my hair when my anger meets my self destructiveness. He would plow the snow, keep the fire going, trim the roses that bloomed when we met, and hatch chilies in the kitchen. A boy, a man, and a girlfriend. Heโs wrapped in primitive sensuality, gifted with athletic stamina, viscerally intelligent. There is the other side; a squadron of pointy fingers, family feuds, gossip, and the spark of emotional self-contentedness. He admits to it; and studies masters of consciousness every day. He strives for breath unscented, unencumbered childlike weightlessness. My star is dropping, the dream girl of adventures in livingness. Taking men in that hold impossible odds, the long shot that shoot you to the moon or dump you on a dirty bench.
I found someone once who held up all the right que cards; now we are best friends thirty years later. If
lovers are true friends than I donโt lock them out when they stumble on the script. Relationships between men and woman are unsolvable allegory poems. I read them over and over and never understand the meaning if I hold on to the wound. If I let the abrasion heal, I am still in love with them.
SEASONAL BEHAVIOR & ROSH HASHANAH
The throw of the dice this week lands on adventures in contemplation. Before the day begins to intersect with my solitude, I sit at my desk in a pre-dawn crystal of clarity. Only the light from a candle shines on a journal of hand written notes. I walked outside to asses the damage of a devilish storm that ravished the night. Leaves dropped from trees and the street is slick with the residue of the storm. Autumn is rising from dormancy; she is painting the leaves pumpkin and cranberry, while impregnating the atmosphere with the perfume of seasonal change. The inversion seeps into my pores.
While shopping at Whole Foods last week, for my first stockpile of chicken tortilla soup, I noticed expressions of
contemplation on faces. Not in the choice of their groceries, but a characteristic of preparation for winter. Pumpkins, firewood and potted mums have replaced the outdoor display of flower baskets and lavender.ย The silence will blanket time beyond the hours of sleep. This is when contemplation is given the freedom to spread over my thoughts and feelings. September marks the disrobing of summer; as if the float of festivities,ย parties, and outdoor markets were moved into storage.
Last week was the beginning of the new Year on the Jewish Calendar, Rosh Hashanah. Unlike New Years for the traditional American, is a time of contemplation and reckoning of ones faults. We are asked to examine our behavior and plant new seeds of integrity from within.
โAnother popular practice of the holiday is Tashlikh (“casting off”). We walk to flowing water, such as a creek or river, on the afternoon of the first day and empty our pockets into the river, symbolically casting off our sins. Small pieces of bread are commonly put in the pocket to cast off. This practice is not discussed in the Bible, but is a long-standing custom.โ Excerpt from Wikipedia.
What I do is to take my emotional and physical wardrobe, and move it from the closet in my casita, to the upstairs storage closet. The skimpy and sexy finery are replaced with turtlenecks, leggings and wool. The emotional wardrobe, is pressed down to the fibers, so it can be studied. In this examination, the reflection of myself is not as important as it has been, the stubble of age has bitten me but not in a bitter way. It has burned down my childish selfishness, insistence of acknowledgment, intolerance of behavior unfamiliar to me, and detached me from the wayward choices made by our government. I used to work with the news turned on and the volume down.
This summer, beginning just after my adventure in Malibu with my friend Chantel, my grip on aloofness towards Santa Fe,ย frustrations associated with publication, and narcissism dissipated. It is possible that one month in the company of Chantal, her vibrancy and generosity softened my reserve. In the last four months, Iโve at last given up tightening against the unmanageable forces that intersect with me, and meet the pleasures of humanity in nakedness. I stood in my doorway, shaded by trees and shrubbery, naked – simply to feel the sensation. In return for this placation of behavior, I was invited by my vacation rental guests into their gatherings and parties; a wedding couple and their twenty-five guests included me in their after party. We cajoled, roused, sang and danced until my neighbor, JD, shamed our festivity and ordered me to shut the party down. It was one-thirty in the morning. I wrapped my arm around his neck, and whispered, โOh, you are so right; I will take care of it. Donโt worry.โ JD, a man with twenty- three civil complaints for noise ordinance disruption against the La Posada Resort across the street, replied โWell LouLou, if you donโt, Iโll have to call the police.โ I hugged him tighter, and said. โOf course you will, and you have every right.โ This is not the behavior that guided me last year. I returned to the party and made the announcement to the guests, who were by now leaning against the walls, drinking shots of whisky in bowls, and I said:
โ Party to dawn kids, but keep your voices down.โ The lights went out at four-thirty in the morning. When I left the house, empty bottles, uneaten meals, flowers, shoes, and scarfs scattered everywhere. This disruption of my polished tidy home would have erupted me into a silent rage a year ago. After they checked-out, my new pal and assistant Marc, entered the house. Stepping over pillows, popcorn, sticky wood floors, and into a kitchen of stained counters and food crumbs; a counterfeit of my dear old hollering father shouted;ย ‘ This is outrageous. Theyโll pay for this!’
โ Stop. We were part of it. It was a wedding party. What did you expect?โ
โWhat the heck is that? Marc said pointing to a clump of food stuck to the wall.
โ Looks like salsa and chips.โ I said with a sponge in my hand. By the time we reached the rooms upstairs, I too was chuckling. Two days later the houseย converted from slipshod to spotless.
The spell of silence has now been broken. The sidewalk blowers stir the leaves, doors open, the clatter of buffet trays wheeling down the street from the kitchen at La Posada pushed by employees in white jackets, swipe greetings, and converse in Spanish. My birds are screeching for more seeds, and the candle is just about burned out. The unknown outcome of our state of affairs in government and society has padded me with extra elasticity, tolerance, and love. Maybe our collective kindness will intercede with the poisonous bitterness and vengeance that titillates through the news.
COMPASSION RELIEVES THE SUFFERING
Woody Allen commented on depression in all his films; the one I remember most went something like this; โI get depressed if one person is suffering in Africa.โ
Remember those days; when all we had to concern ourselves with was:ย Africa, a bit of Russia, and powerfully silent Cuba and China.ย The Europeans loved us back then; we gave them something to laugh about.
I turn on the news intermittently during the day; and whatever activity had occupied me suddenly dissipated into bothersome dust.ย Murder, beheadings, shootings, corruption, deception, fear and helplessness swept away the dust, and my consciousness wept.
Whether it is the unfathomable death of a woman who seemed immortal, the youngย journalist beheaded on television,ย the left and right parties swinging obscenities atย each other,ย all soliciting a reality show of our government. My choice of sorrows is mounting.
Today is a cabaret of: weather, activity, and excitement as Fiesta Week begins in Santa Fe.
The city will converge on the Plaza for the performing arts, parades, musical improvisations, dance and Northern New Mexicoย chow. Policeman will be stationed alongside the booths to protect us.ย They look grouchy and irritable; but in my experience, the friendliest cops Iโve ever met. Try talking to a cop in Los Angeles.
The butter on the tortilla ofย Santa Fe, is that our community events, processions, and traditional religious enactments are safe havens forย Spaniards,ย Native Americans, the mixed,ย the foreign and us Anglos. I can ask to be invited into any assemblage and chances are they will accept my presence.
The safety and careย of people depends on all of us. If I recognize a stoned drunk stumbling; I should take his hand to shelter. If an old woman needs help crossing the street: I should lead her. Ifย insults and arguments draw my attention; I should keep my eye on the situation. This is where my consciousness rises from dust and sorrow; to a strong wind of humanity.
LADY JOAN RIVERS
My prayers are with you Joan. Since I was a teenagerย I watched your show with my Dad who laughed so hard he had
choking attacks. You brought global understanding to the humor of the Jewish faith. Everything you said rang the
Synagogue bells, and blew out the candles of the Menorah. In moments of family tension the conversation turned to you; and everyone would
recite a joke and gather in laughter. Your unique talent to sabotage prejudice with humor, sliced silent moments of awkwardness.
You have me in your prayers to raise up in your bed and shout? Where’s my goddamn shoes?
Love to you Melissa, the daughter any one of us looks up to as the eternal light in her mother’s life.
CANDLES OF THE MOUNTAIN
The fog today has brushed the mountains with a thick white mist almost like a snow mass; yet the temperature is warm. What I found most entertaining in a writers way, was the night Chantel and I visited NOBU; โNo One Beats Us.โ
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF UNTAMED, UNDRESSED WILDERNESS are the unhurried pocket full of cash residents, or resident visitors, that line up in waxed sports cars and convertibles at the entrance of NOBU. I wonder if they have summer and winter cars as I watch them slouching on the terrace sofas: women in latex tight jeans, bottoms-up mini skirts, and men in tight V-Neck Tโs and designer jeans.
โ Oh Chantel this is going to be so fun.โ
โ You think so?โ
We sat down on the terrace sofas and ordered drinks. As a thirty-year old
this sort of stylish trendy expensive dining was all I cared about and I canโt tell you why because I never got inside the groups that I followed. Thirty years later my sense of belonging is unimportant; it is the observation deck of a group that is
capable of supreme prating, joking, excessive drinking and charismatic behavior.
I spotted two men dressed in musicians gear, top hats, and dancing lace up boots swaying towards us.
โ Hello girls, do you mind if we join you.โ I didnโt look at Chantel until they swayed a bit more indiscreetly, and realized they were hammered.
โYou guys rock n roll musicians.โ I asked
โWhat? Howโd you know?โ
โThe British accent, two bottles of beer in one hand and the hat.
They bent over at the waist in laughter and collapsed on a sofa across from us.
Thirties, with squinted red eyes, and big smiles; they laughed at everything I said.
โ I like that you call us girls; but we really are. Arenโt we Chantel?โ.
She smiled and when they asked her what kind of music she liked she said
โ All kinds.โ
What about you?โ The less than stupid drunk one asked me.
โ Mick Jagger.โ
He spread his arms out wide and then slapped the table.
โThe guy is unbelievable. No truly the best man today, still. I canโt believe the guy.โ
Common ground in music stroked our conversation, until the stupid drunk one
tipped over one of his beers, while trying to stand. They drifted off to their crowd and I remained fixated to the garden of youth circulating the terrace.
The indoors were crammed with shiny female legs, and beautiful male arms. There was no identification of loners or singles; just one large crowd hip to hip. No one place Iโve been to can beat the sizzling sexuality, liberation of theatrics, and prices. Two pieces of tuna are $8.00 and Sashimi is $25.00.
I left my phone that nightย and when I returned the next day at noon there were twenty people waiting to get in. Thinly disguised in hat, ankle length bathing suit wrap, and glasses, I did not look like I belonged and I liked that feeling. It was a star-spangled banner sort of celebration that I really donโt mind being on the outskirts. I am staying in Malibu; but I am not a Malibu moneyed account.
The next evening outing I stopped at Geoffrey’s Restaurant; in my southwest dirty 2002 Discovery. The valet was directing traffic as if he was a pilot commanding a landing of private jets.
โ You are very good with those signals.โ
He nodded. No time to talk. 
I tried to walk in without looking at the floor; as if Iโd been there before.
The bar was half full; and the dining room tables were all taken.ย The backdrop was cinematic; a glorious china-blue sea, with seagulls and surfers marked through floor to ceiling spotless glass. There was so much reflection and light;ย the groomed and jeweled diners looked like actors on a movie set. That makes me a little uncomfortable; to be so transparent. I noticed a spot on my shoe, a tiny one that turned brownish the more I stared.
The bartendress breezed over,’ Hi. May I start you with some sparkling water’ one Iโd never heard of.
โ A wine list please and the appetizer menu.โ She gleamed at that.
My journal was my partner; so I scribbled away casually and felt inducted into Geoffrey’s.ย ย I ordered the crab cakes appetizer,ย wafer size but so delicious I would order them again.ย As soon as the gloaming hour arrived it was time to leave. I had not mastered the swerving mountain roadsย to Chantel’s in the dark.
” Check please.”ย I said.
What a sensational feeling to sign the slip and know there is more than enough in my bank account.
” Your card didn’t go through.”
” Try it again please. There should be no problem.”
” Sorry. The card is — not accepted.”
Not enough cash to pay a thirty-five dollar bill was more than humiliating;ย so I pulled an Allen Smiley.
” I’ve never heard of such a thing. Wells Fargo will hear about this!” I called Wells Fargo and followed all the instructions and then waited. By this time the owner, thirties and as pretty as the Blue Boy, appeared.
I signaled him to wait a moment just as Wells Fargo disconnected me.
Then I pitched up my voice melodramaticallyย to the owner and talked up my frustration. As I am explaining that I am visiting and that all my ready cash was spent in one day in Malibu and I was so sorry;ย I went swimming in his almost Paul Newman eyes.
” It’s no problem. It’s okay.ย I”ll run the hand written receipt tomorrow.” He said with suave charming lips and teeth.
Then he left. I turned to the Bartendress and asked if this ever happens at Geoffrey’s. She smiled and said, ‘ No, but it used to happen in a bar I worked at.’
I left in a roundabout reminderย that I should stop galloping around without cash; especially on a vacation.
The next day I walked into Wells Fargo at Trancas Canyon.ย Three employees welcomed me: coffee, water, how can we help, all in sync.ย ย After I explained the story toย a college age man behind a walnut desk, heย called someone at Wells Fargo and then I learned the trick to traveling.
” If you go out of state you need to let us know so we won’t block your account.”
” For thirty-five dollars? Don’t tell me you do that when Cher leaves town.”ย She didn’t laugh.
” The block is removed. Is there anything else we can do?’
” I hope not.”
The suntanned jolly man at the desk began a conversation:ย where do you live, how long you’re in Malibu, have you been to Trancas Beach and then he asked why I didn’t have a savings account.ย I leaned in real close and whispered, I don’t have that much money.
‘” I see we just sent you a platinum credit card.”
” I never received a platinum credit card.” He leaned back in his leather executive chair that really didn’t suitย him at all and said,ย ” You probably thought it was an advertisement and threw it away.”
” Do you know what the limit is?” I asked.
He tapped on his computer and I watched in anticipation.
” Three thousand dollars.”
” Really?”
” Yes. Now let’s talk about you opening up a savings account. You have to have one.'”
I wanted to stand up and hug him. Instead I asked him if he surfed.
” Yea, but I’m not that good really.”
”ย It doesn’t always matter that you’re good; some thingsย are just about doing it.”
To be continued.
PART TWO CANDLES OF THE MOUNTAIN
ADVENTURES IN LIVINGESS-
MALIBU
The next morning Chantal was not in her transparently privatized bedroom with a gauzy drape.ย From the kitchen Iโd poured a cup of black as beans espresso from Chantalโs Turkish coffee maker and dozily slumped into a swinging love seat on the lanai. Still in my pajamas,ย listless as a floating cotton willow; the grounding Iโd felt the day before had evaporated. Looking and listening to birds, rooster, and distant horses, all within a misty silhouette that filled in the hips of the mountains. Beyond the sea, the imagery of my reclusive life in Santa Fe manifested. The skin I wore in Santa Fe; unreasoningly introverted with a coating of protection flaked off and a news skin surfaced.
Just as the image is crystallizing, I sense Chantal crossing the garden towards me.
โ LouLouโare you okay?โ
โ Iโm not living right at all, โ I uttered without a smile.
She sat down beside me, placed her cell phone behind her, rested her elbows on her knees and leaned toward me to look in my eyes.
โ Oh why? You are not happy in Santa Fe?โ
โ Not anymore-I see things differently now.โ
โ Yes, this is what happens when we take vacation. If youโre life is not full then you must change it. Itโs not always the place that matters, but how you live. You know some people like to suffer, this is not you. I know– believe me. I meet people from all over the world.ย I traveled with Carl everywhere.โ
โWellย Iโm full now– but Iโve been in a cage.โ
โ This is not good! I will tell you that since Carl died I too wanted to live in my bedroom and not even get out of our bed. So I worked day and night to keep his legacy going, and to manage the vacation rentals. I made myself so busy just to get through the pain. I was a mess; many times I didnโt think Iโd get through it. But you see–I am okay now. I still think of him everyday and some days are rough; but this is life. We donโt know what will happen. You have to live now. When you die no one remembers you; they go on living. “She opened her mouth and her smile asked me to smile with her.
โ We will have a lot of fun you and I. You know I feel like weโve known each other. You feel that too?โ
โ Yes! I think my choice to come here was to meet you.โ
โ Oooh lala-then we begin to enjoy. You hungry? I make some breakfast and then we go to Trader Joes. I make a party tonight. Howโs that?โ
โ Iโd like that.โ
โ You want some eggs–how do you like them?โ
โ Iโm so full of joy I have no appetite.โ
She threw her head back, and laughed.
โ What time is it Chantal?โ
โ Itโs eleven oโclock. You sleep very late.โ
โ No.ย I never sleep this late.โ
I followed Chantal into the kitchen where she was leaning against the stove frying eggs; she was on her cell phone.ย โCheri, you come tonight for dinner and meet my new friend LouLou.โย Then another call and another. To observe Chantal is to see the openness of a human being without hesitation, restraint or obsession. I followed her around for the rest of the day just like Kou-Koui; her little Habanese dog. Chantal’sย enthusiasm for the approaching party was seamless. As we shopped at Trader Joes, she chatted with customers, the grocery clerk, and the cell phone that rings continuously.
โ LouLou, is that you?โ
I was passing her bedroom as she called me in and patted the bed for me to sit.
โHave you had a shower? I will take one after you. I marinated the chicken and meat, so all we have now is the salad.โ
In the kitchen she is dressed in a skirt, neck-less blouse, and a magenta flower behind one ear. Asย she demonstrates how to cut the cucumbers, tomatoes, and avocado,ย she darts from one skilletย to another. The music is ruminating through the house; a French wave of seduction and rhythm that entices us to dance aroundย the kitchen island.ย I feel like a young girl learning to be a woman. She is only a few years older than me; yetย her human connection of livingnessย is unbridged and unchained.
I intended to write a travel story about Malibu;ย as you see the travel story is Chantal.
SMILEYS DICE ON THROWING ALL THE DICE
Adventures in Livingness

MALIBU- ISLAND
I was flipping channels one night in Santa Fe, New Mexico where I live. I stopped when the opening scene of Donโt Make Waves with Tony Curtis and Sharon Tate. Her name in the credits;ย Introducing Sharon Tate. So I lay back against the warm sweat soaked pillows, turned on the A/C and watched. The first scene was on Pacific Coast Hwy in Malibu. Tony is in a car crash with Sharon Tate. The appearance of Sharon was that of Bo Derek in the film 10. A vine like body swimming in golden flesh with long honey sand hair draped over her shoulders. The flashback to the Mason Murder was soon replaced with this heart shape faced delivering sinewy gestures that matched her feathery voice. The film came outย in 1963 and the coastline was as pure and unmarked as Sharon; a winding highway empty of cars, cafes and promenades. This is the Malibu I remembered from my adolescent adventures to the beach to watch the surfers.
The scenery unfolded into breathtaking views of the coves and hillsides surrounding Malibu, like organic sculpturesย drenched in sea-foam as waves broke. Within a few minutes I bolted up in bed and paused the film.
Thatโs where Iโm going! My journey was given a name. I had a month marked out for a vacation away from Santa Fe while my house was rented to a family of eight. It was a month before the guests would arrive and I still had not penned in my destination.
I went to sleep half way through the movie mumbling to myself; Malibu, Malibu Malibu.
Please God, let me land in Malibu.
The next morning I fished for vacation rentals on the INTERNET and got hooked into
homes, cottages and condos for not less than $1000.00 a night. One estate rented for
thirty thousand a night.
I switched to Craigs list and scrolled down the postings, armored with Russian determination. A posting in bold black came up – MALIBU ISLAND. I clicked through the photographs and prayed. This is how I found myย roomย in Malibu;a private room with an outdoor showerย in an estate home perched on the hills above El Matador Beach. In this house the owner, Chantal, also lived. ย I booked the month without more than a day of what ifโs and what nots could be expected.
To be continued.


![20140725_193214[1]](https://odysseyofadventures.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/20140725_1932141.jpg?w=225&h=300)
