Remember, who you were, at eighteen, bring her or him back, if they’ve gotten lost in the
Mount Disappointment from the west, May 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
woods of disappointment.
One foot off the ground, eyes pinned to the crest of creativity, at eighteen all I wanted was freedom and adventures.ย I wasn’t ever going to get married, and be tied down.ย Hah, this is the path I took, sometimes Mount Disappointment.
I heard yesterday, James sent a notebook forewarning a psychiatrist at the University- of his murder plan. My arms were filled with laundry, I couldn’t leave the television, my body froze, the words in my head, ‘he asked to be recognized.’
LIVING day to day without any certainty is like being on the Titanic that won’t sink but is filled with water, and sinking.ย It may be time to explain what adventures in livingness are; not just to you but to myself. The suspense: it drives us, we don’t have a cupboard of familiarity, it keeps changing, like the weather, most of us are single in this department. Sometimes acts of God and nature intervene, so we have no control over the next hour or the next year. The essentials, a home, food on the table, and some circle of family or friends that will hug you and say, I understand instead of ‘everything works out in the end.’ย Imagination plays the hand in this kind of living, we dream a lot, we plan and then we change the plan, we are adaptable and that is what we strive for, to be adaptable, to lifestyles, cultures, location, and unfamiliar walks on roads our sneakers don’t know.ย
The unspoken disease that destroys the untreated, and kills the innocent.
I am outraged at such a senseless act, that maybe could have been avoided had someone taken notice of his behavior.
Limo Loren called today. He drives limos, does errands for clients, hangs out at the pool at La Posada, and brings the gals iced water. Today he was at the laundromat, and noticed someone searching for quarters.
” Here’s a few, hope it helps.”
” Oh thanks so much, I really appreciate it”
Loren said to me, ” Are things really that bad that a quarter can make a difference?
Even the customers at Whole foods are checking their receipts, that’s way different.”
It is time to turn my life upside down, instead of moving furniture, my neurosis of constant change, it is interior change that I must make. Henry Miller says,ย ”ย Words by the way, can carry you into action, carry you into thought, instead of the other way around.”
Adventure, dreams, and escapism have guided me and maybe you, and now ( as a sudden rain storm begins) it is sketching what is necessary, unavoidable, and maybe even tedious.
Henry Miller, photographed by Carl Van Vechten, 1940 Jan. 22 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Memories are like walking on the sand. You try to walk over them, but they drag you in, and you can’t get out. You got to feel the sand, like memories, you got to walk through them, and know that you got them inside you. Like grains of sand that remain after you left the beach
THE pacific ocean stung me with awe. I miss her, she’ll see me tomorrow, when I dive in and embrace the currents, so many of them lately, the ocean is t he one I need now.
beijing bamboo walkways and dog pyschology (Photo credit: rejon)
in beginnings. Starting over, and rewriting a life youโve lived many years is the same as re-writing a secret story. It takes the same blind courage.ย About half between forty and fifty years old, you hear people say, โItโs too late to start over,โย ย Itโs not true. Behavioral change is essential to living a full life.
In the middle of the night I woke up as if it was morning. When I looked out the window, an almost full moon, white as a laundered tablecloth, was staring back at me. It said, get up and write.ย I retreated to my corner of the world; a tiny room bathed in blush pink and gold, and I wrote.ย ย The moon watched.
ADVENTURERS IN LIVINGNESS 