Some of us are not rushing to wave the I made it flag. Some favor holding back until the other elements of our character life are solid;  our fear, pettiness, falsity, greed, so many steps to climb. I have to trust in the pattern of our lives; the invisible thread that taunts us, teases us, and even torments us. I am discovering the shame and greed, the absolute indifference to my security, and finances.

Gravity has dropped, and so has my sense of structure, health, and self-discipline. Making a bed was too tedious, and grocery shopping was needless because I didn’t care about food; I like tuna sandwiches with avocado and bananas for breakfast. The comfort comes from writing, cloud watching, and phone calls with friends.   

The loss of direction and ambiguity lurking in the future is a place any person can find themselves in, especially those sensitive and artistic, without a map, familiar signs, and a plan. You have to ride it all the way to a new horizon.

It is a day later; the sky is unchanged, and the cloud cover is still nailed to the sky.  In random conversations, I have heard of people’s hardships, sacrifices, and compromises.  I tell myself not to be too sentimental , but it’s a useless force, I am sentiment. Don’t open those links to real estate values, how much money you need to retire. Open the link to redesign my interior life using new colors, textures, and backgrounds.