ICE, SNOW, AND RAIN… MIX THOROUGHLY AND SERVE CHILLED

WINTER 2025 … BYE BYE

Winter in the Northeast is a door to the interior, not just physically living indoors; it’s a mental withdrawal from outdoor activity. Yes, some have adapted. I’ve seen men in shorts on a snowy day and women runners passing by my window on icy sidewalks. For many of us, I believe the winter is the time to ski in your head. Take a word puzzle section of all your experiences and ski down your mistakes, misjudgments, and behavior in all its rights and wrongs. A sort of sabbatical for the soul.

My car was stuck in the snow, and my eggplant pasta was stuck in cheese.

I LOVED


JOURNAL ON MEN

The insomnia of separation from a man’s shoulder bowed to my head, tweaks like stale bread. A mind that directs me when I am driving directionless and maps my journey, walks beside me, a guardian of my fragility, acutely conscious of our path. The voice that encourages and applauds my success rather than let it drip from jealousy or preoccupation.  How the laughter erupts in a moment of spontaneous passion. The gestures of him shaving and the modest vanity after I re-wardrobe him. Feeling his eyes in a crowd, undressing or admiring me, for some folly or expression.

The humor he finds in my misguided attempts to open bottles, and packages with a dull spoon, and figure out electronics.

How he will pardon and pamper my unwarranted fears of stalkers, sickness, rejection nightmares, and falling down the slippery wooden stairs.

The man whose balance evens my wrinkles.

Let’s the light into my eyes.

Opens my shell with wonder and tenderness.  

WINTER’S SERMON ON SOLITUDE


SOLITUDE will always be a puzzle because our lives, solo or mated, are mystified by either too much or not enough solitude.

Β I contest what seems endless solitude with my Irish Russian temper, condemning irritants like: street noise, absence of friends, short-tempered customer service reps, world news, and mindless tasks. The fever dulled after the first ice, rain, and snow, and mindfulness triumphed. I imagined my basement of survival would sink. It did not. There is an inner exploration happening, unfolding like spreading new sheets on my bed, that solitude has befriended me all my life. In the best of times and the tedious. I have to find the frolic and follies in the world that I created. I have to laugh alone so I watch screwball comedies, seek humor of my irregularities; wearing a sweater inside out, pouring coffee into a wine glass for a cocktail, and chuckling up and down the staircase, because I keep forgetting where I left my phone. My head is elsewhere daydreaming.
I’ve learned how to repair house calamities; unscrew windows, seal up cracks, fix clogged drains, replace air vents, read the meters, and rejuvenate every wood board, handle, chair, and table with Old English Oil. As one pal commented on a visit to the house, ‘ It’s a perfect day for Old English! The winter forecast is blizzardy and full of warnings I haven’t experienced here; and how can I complain when half of Upstate New York is buried in ten feet of snow. The end of the day pleasure comes in the kitchen; my heart and spirit melt while stirring my weekly gumbo, stew, or casserole while listening to Tony Bennett, Nat King Cole, and swing music.
Winter is a funnel that strips the trees and branches and lets us see through the forest and ourselves.

TRUTH OR TALE


WHY DO WE LIE?

When do we begin to lie about our lives:, feelings, fears, and mistakes? I ask this because of simple observation, knowing when someone is not telling me their truth. I remain silent; it’s not my way to ask why you lie to me?  It’s like a social-cultural mask. I’ve always sought to know the truth. Why should we shield our traumas and hardships more than our triumphs and accomplishments? Do you know who does not lie? ART and SPORTS. That is why we listen to music, read books, go to galleries and museums, watch films, go to the theater, and go to dance performances. I cannot comment on sports because I’m not a spectator, although I love basketball.

We, and I mean this in only a visceral sense, do not believe politicians, news, social media, or advertisements. We want to, but deep in our inner truth, we know it is the manipulation of our individual thoughts and choices. That is why I trust art to deepen my understanding of the human condition. Thank you to all the artists and athletes who share their pain and glory.

POP-UP POEM


He pushed her on a swing, so high she touched the sky, viewed the world through his eyes, lived for a time without lies, then as mystically as he appeared, he let go of the swing, and she fell on her wing, broken but with the will to begin again. A broken heart hasn’t stopped her from loving him.

For ten days, just thinking of her spoken words, how they made their way to his ears and returned the sounds she so wanted to hear. When he stopped contacting her, she wiped her tears as some people find love at the core of their fears.

ENDING THE MEMORIES


NOVEMBER 2021                                                                        

MAXFIELD PARRISH

Β Β Β  Β MONTHS LATER ON THIS DAY, she closed the shutters to him and alchemized from a cocoon to a butterfly beneath a circle of friends in tune.Β  She removed the photos, gifts, and letters and put them in a box to reminisce later. Talking out loud, “She takes just like a woman, but she will not break like a little girl.” No more hours fanning the past; on this day, my view is spanning.”  She sat peacefully by the fire into the night and let her broken wing sing as she watched the wood turn to gold. Β 

DANCE and, MUSIC AGAINST THE NORDIC BLAST OF WINTER


FROM THE JOURNAL 2025

SUN, a goose-bumpy joy and celebration. That’s what I love about my education here: the first class you must take is weather management. I’ve destroyed dozens of artistic bric a brac by leaving them on the farm table on the porch, forgot to shop for groceries when a storm was approaching, and ran out of salt.   I drove through town, taking photos at the red lights; the scenery is like Little Women, dressed differently but still rather swarthy in their determination to survive. Now some men, probably like the fourth or tenth generation, bear the strength by wearing a T-shirt or shorts.  The other day, after a snowstorm, I noticed a man crossing the street in shorts, a long white beard, and working boots.  That’s an EXACT badass around here.

Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β  Beguine the Beguine is on the record player, and I’m swinging around the music room, elated with the energy that forced me to dance, turn off the mind entirely.Β  Total bliss.Β  Dance has been with me since as far back as I can remember, the answer to a mood change, without drugs or alcohol. Β 

TRIBUTE TO LA POSADA DE SANTA FE, SANTA FE, NM


CHRISTMAS 2013 AT LA POSADA

MAY 2017

It is the Kentucky Derby and Cinco De Mayo weekend at La Posada.  Kristen from the hotel said I should go; it would be fun. She’s a feisty young woman with clear, penetrating blue eyes and silky brown hair. Youth dances in her expressions; other times, it wilts from being locked down to an indoor job.  She’s an adventurer who camps out in Belize and South America. Now, she’s talking about Antigua.  

I walked out to the courtyard to see what was going on.  The tables weren’t set up yet, but the Donkey stood idly and annoyed at the other end of the yard. I don’t know why they bring him, maybe for the kids.  In the bar, a few guests were watching the Derby. The elan of race anticipation is shining like a light. I ordered a Mint Julep, and the guys were all watching as Dude whipped it up with finesse.

β€œ How is it?” Dude asked without needing any approval. 

β€œ Magical.  Who are you betting on? Greta asked.

β€œI want a Titty Tut, something nasty.”

β€œ Oh, stop that. You do it too much.” She replied.

β€œ Not nearly enough! Okay, here’s my horseβ€”Promises Fulfilled. Oh yes, that’s mine.”

β€œ Everything you say is a metaphor for sex.”

β€œ You bet it is.” Who’s your pick?”

β€œ My prick is Justify.”

β€œHah, see, now you get it.”

I sipped my drink and wandered around the lobby, stopping to greet Jackie, Monserrat, and Danielle.  They don’t know what their smiles and caring comments do for me. I must tell them more often. 

β€œ I don’t know what I’d do without all of you.” To be continued.

JUST LIFE


Adventures in livingness aren’t just about extroversion, what we say, how we behave, or how we respond. More importantly, they are about our inner changes when life demands that from us. No one hears what threads are spoken in our heads, the ones that are flawed from indecisiveness, the ones that have been molded from things long past, the new threads that are unfamiliar, and the ones we need to rip out entirely.Β 

NON-STOP TO LIVING


Today is the day to stop punishing myself and outlive what has aborted my adventures in livingness.

No longer incubate to avoid disappointment, irritations, chaos, uncertainty, and senseless fear. I’m not alone, and you’re not alone. Friends of marvelous careers and lifestyles admit the same. We remain at home, where comfort, familiarity, control, and sustainability are our foundation.

No longer! Debasing my flaws, failures, and finicky flashes, manage them like I’m preparing dinner. If the pasta isn’t fabulous, I don’t go into a fit of failure.

I no longer will have apprehension and anxiety when buyers arrive to tour my home. The great philosophers advised me on Facebook that anxiety never solves problems.

RELIC OF REBELLION


BEFORE I think about how to respond to a stranger, I feel them; the gestures, expressions, tone of voice, movement, conversation, mannerisms, and eyes. I acknowledge feelings first, then I think.

ISADORA DUNCAN

When I’m driving, I feel sprite or gloom. I feel a twirl of sensory perception from the drivers’ faces and witness the joyous reciprocal ink of friendship between shopkeepers, cops and dining customers, city workers, and service technicians trying to fix satellites and cables in a village with inconsistent infrastructure.

SOME of my principles are unsupported by experience, but more with GROWING UP WITH GANGSTERS training that I cannot erase.Β  Β My theme is unbalanced; I take the extreme path instead of the path with arrows.Β  It is why writing settles my sea-saw.Β  As I sit in my antique wooden chair looking out, feeling Saturday’s silence beneath a blanket of blue sky and radiant sunshine, a tiny thread of peace realigns a week of political profanity, war, and death, but they got Sinwar!Β  Β The sedate and quiet surroundings relieve my spinning head, and I just continue to sit and not fidget.Β Β 

I’VE observed the village people; some appear to drag their bodies rather than hotfoot. I wonder if all the global Google news has weighed us down.Β  Teens signal youth’s fascination with experience, newness, and expectation.The exchange of human voices as pedestrians walk along the street, I’ve noticed that New Yorkers speak in voluminous pitch. I can hear their voices from my bedroom on the third floor with closed windows. Humanity is our background symphony, along with the crows, lawnmowers, power saws, blowers, and racing cars. Β This street is part of my theme;Β  a juxtaposition of historic homes and modern toys. I am a 21st-century flapper clinging to the roar of independence, self-expression, and breaking the rules.Β  If we feel the chord of festivity,Β  we should not hold back.Β  I am going out now to see ifΒ  I can feel more.Β  Β 

Sunday October 20,Β 

I walked out to the porch and slouched against a pillar to feel warmed by the sun. My dermatologist advised that I should not stay longer than ten minutes, even with fifty UV protection. Today is family day and a car show in the village. I experienced it two years ago, so I remain at home; listening to the geese go south for the winter and feeling solitude. It’s like a branchless tree, a storm without an umbrella, a garden without flowers, and a home without company. Oh, snap out of it. Go to Henry’s Tavern and watch the game with men losing their cool. They get insanely raucous s over football.

HELENE: LOSING A HOME.


It’s impossible to feel personal tribulations when I see Helene’s destruction. The shock is unimaginable unless your home has been removed by earth, wind, or fire.

When our family home burned, my mother drove me up a day later to see what remained. I was eight years old. I felt lost. My stomach was empty, and my breath held. Nothing but ashes; it changes your perspective on what to hold on to.

Burt Lancaster lived above us; a spark dropped from his home onto our house. Ours was the only house that burned on Thurston Circle. We direct our life, and then it returns a different ending. Lucky to have had those years in Bel Air, a paradise of charismatic neighbors, children up and down the street, parties, and safety.

The 1961 Bel Air Fire was a disastrous brush fire that began on November 6, 1961, in the Bel Air community of Los Angeles. It destroyed 484 homes and burned over 6,000 acres, fueled by strong Santa Ana winds. At least 200 firefighters were injured during the fire1